Friday

Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 1:11 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Friday

Hello L., S.G., the home owner we were going to take pictures with on Friday called to cancel the photo op. She said that she needed to finish painting. I told her that I would still come down and give her the paper work to look over.

If your still interested in lunch I still am. Even if you can't make it till 12. Tell me what you think.
I hope your day is going well and I will talk to you soon ... K

bye


Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 1:19 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: Friday

Hi, E.,

Thanks for the heads up. Yeah, lunch would be cool. I'll probably get to your place sometime between 11:30 and 12:00. Do you want me to call you when I leave here so you know I'm headed your way?

My day's pretty hectic, but I like to be busy. :-) Hope your day is going well too.

Ciao for now...

L.


Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2006 2:06 pm
From: E.
To: L
Subject: RE: Friday

naaa don't worry about calling, I'll be here. Look forward to seeing you tomorrow. bye

Side Note on "Hey" E-mail

E. became known for his "hit-and-run" e-mails throughout our relationship. Note the time on the "Hey" post. 9:19 pm. Sent on a night when I didn't get home until 10:00 pm. Basically assuring me a sleepless, tearful night.

Was this purposeful?

Only God knows.

Hey

Mon 1/23/2006 9:19 PM
To: L.
From: E.

I might as well get to the point! .... I feel that if we keep seeing each other ... I may be giving you the wrong message.
I like you L., I really do .. I'm just not sure if we should keep seeing each other. If I tell you it's me, you gotta believe me
Don't take off early Friday. If you wanna talk call me tomorrow! I am going to bed. I wanna talk ..... I'm sorry.

e

1/18/2006 Novella to L.S.

I’m not sure where I left off in my E. saga. Saga… That’s funny. Sometimes it is that, and sometimes it’s just a thing that’s going on. Right now it feels a little like a saga ‘cause I’m waiting for a phone call….

Anyway, I think I left off with spending the night with him last Wednesday. Thursday was a non-event day, except for the novella I wrote to you from my class. Friday, we did a bunch of back and forths on e-mail (he’s still writing back to me when I send him stuff from my work address – that still blows my mind somewhat…) Mostly the back and forths were on this fantasy that I had devised while sitting in that horrible class. It was something that incorporated him dressed in his real estate garb and the sex we had in the car the night we went to the hockey game.

He wrote that he wanted me to send it and then he would talk dirty to me (okay, I’ve warned you that we’re pervs). I thought he was going to call me to do the dirty talking but he meant he was going to write it back to me, so when we figured out our mis-communication, he finished with a “Oh, I guess I can’t get that detailed here, huh?” And I said to send it to my home address because I wanted to hear what he had to say. I eventually sent it to him, and then waited for the response. I went out with the girls Friday night and hoped to return to a message, no message.

Just to remind you of our story so far, I was waiting for, but not really expecting him to call me on the whole Sunday open house/did he want me to stop by. Well, surprise, surprise… E. called me Saturday to check in during the afternoon and caught me while I was in the middle of the nightmare that is Bestbuy.com and their in-store order pickup. By the time he reached me, I was about 2 hours into the nightmare and so mad I could spit (or cry - -which is the more likely response). When I told him I felt like crying, he was all, "Oh hunny, just leave it there..." (It is referring to a boombox radio for my satellite radio that I was picking up for him to use at the open house to listen to his Chicago Bears football game JUST IN CASE he asked me over… Doh!) Anyway, the call felt more like old times -- the checking in part. And he told me he'd call back later. Which he did. And wanted me to come over "to hang out."

I had to turn him down because I had a date. He didn't know about the date -- just the turn down. (J. from New Years' was the date). So we made arrangements to meet up Sunday for his open house. He was holding an open house at one of the million dollar homes on the hill in Newcastle. I brought over a radio -- not the one that took me three hours to get – oh no! It seems that XM radio that I have does NOT have NFL football – SIRIUS satellite has it. So I brought him my good ol’ standard KJR 950-capable boom box for him to listen to the football game. I got there early so that we could take some photos of him in front of one of the REALLY expensive homes in the neighborhood -- to update his website.

I wore an outfit like what I had described in my fantasy (classy and dressed up a bit, just in case you were wondering, ha ha ha!). Unfortunately, he hadn't read the fantasy! He has some sort of weird virus that keeps coming back and it got in the way of him clicking on the attachment. He's not all that savvy with the computer -- at least that's what he likes me to believe. But then, I have had to rescue him from a few things. :-)

I stayed around for a couple hours at the open house, and he had a pretty good turnout. I had to pretend I was an interested buyer when people came through. He really gets into the whole role-playing. So my back-story was that I was moving here from San Francisco, only in town for the week to check out house, from the area originally, extended family visits often, and I might have to consider moving my dad in with me (this was to explain my looking at such a LARGE house). He would talk loudly to me while we played out our "story" for the other look-ee-lous -- so that he could give them time to browse the house on their own while he displayed his excellent customer skills with me! What a hoot.

We had a very enlightening conversation between visitors. Apparently I am the only person he talks to, or has talked to about his "herbal habits..." He never spoke to the woman he dated before me about it. I learned some things about him that I didn't know. Some of the demons he struggles with -- and they somewhat explain why he respects and seeks out the approval of older women so much (the people he respects the most at his office are the women there).

We made plans for me to go over to his place later that night, after the open house and after he took care of some things at his dad's place. My visit over there was rather interesting. Between the conversation at the open house and the conversation we had later at his place, I was pretty direct with my questions and statements. I even brought up the whole "what are we doing here" subject, and he didn't have any better of an answer than I have. There was alot of stuff discussed and it showed me he has given a lot of thought to different "issues" that were brought up when he decided we needed a break.

One of the issues that he has definitely put some thought into is the whole younger women thing. We touched on it very briefly at the open house when I made some comment about one of the quarterbacks of the game only being 23 years old. He says, ‘Well that’s right in your age range.”

And I replied, “No, E., that’s more your age range. Or maybe even a bit older. Hmmm? How is that going for you anyway?”

He just said, “It’s not. I never did anything about it.” And then he was saved by some people coming to look at the house.

Back at his place later that night, we were having some serious performance issues on his end. Now, first off, I have to give the guy super high fives because he finished me off with a big O that was HUUUUUUUUGE. I’m talking earth shattering. But when it came time for his turn, it just couldn’t stay hard. This led to our further talks. He asked me how Hot or Not was treating me. I told him it’s treating me pretty well, how about for you? He said, it’s okay. That he pretty much just talks to this woman from Jordan – oh, but there’s a new one from Ohio.

I make the comment that, “well, they’re getting closer.” Then I asked why he never took his profile down while we were dating, and he didn’t really know why. I asked if it was to keep his options open, and he said, no, it was nothing like that. I asked him if he wanted Hot or Not to be treating me well, and he asked me why I would ask something like that. I just looked at him and said, “E., what are we doing here?” He looked back at me and said he didn’t know. We just looked into each other’s eyes for a really long time. (This conversation is taking place while we’re lying on the bed after the performance complications). I thought I’d just plunge on forward and said, “What is the appeal of younger women for you? What do they represent for you?”

He surprised me with his answer. “Well, younger women have less experience.” And that just makes me want to say to him, and YOU would be interested in that?!?! But then he continued with, “Older women know what they want and are able to tell you what they want. They aren’t afraid to say what they want. With younger women, they look to you to be their sole source of entertainment – you’re their whole life. I just don’t have time to sit around and be that. Older women have a life.”

I stopped him here and asked if he thought I was someone who looked to him for my sole source of entertainment. He says, “I didn’t say that.” And I said, I realized that, but I’m asking if I was like that for him. He said, “No, YOU have a life. Otherwise this would have never come this far.”

So why that surprised me is that he’s really giving this whole thing a lot of thought. The “Why do I always use the younger woman thing as my escape clause” type of thinking. Of course he had to provide me with the answer I was expecting all along. But they do have those bodies that they like to show off. :-p

One other part of our conversation I wanted to touch on was when I told him, after we both determined we had no idea what were doing there, I said, “Well, whatever happens going forward, things will be different. They’ll have to be. For one thing, I need to tell you what I want, because whenever I did, you did it.”

“Well, yeah, how else am I supposed to know what you want?”

I told him that there was a lot about me that he didn’t know, that I was afraid to share. He said he figured I had secrets and that I would tell them to him if I wanted. That he DID want to know about me, but there must be some reason that I wasn’t comfortable telling him and that I would in my own time. Although he did wonder why I was bringing it up at that moment (he looked at me like I was about to tell him I used to be a man, or maybe I was pregnant or something! Hahahaha)

I so want to tell him about me, L.S., but I’m terrified. This is like a huge weight on me that stresses me out to no end.

I stayed over night and tried to head off that whole cold shoulder/awkwardness that sets in when he's preparing for work. He was doing his thing all grim-faced and I would smile each time I passed him or he passed me -- with no smile back. Finally I said, "You could smile, it's all right to smile." That seemed to relax him and he did smile and our morning felt a little easier. I decided to throw all caution to the wind and ask if we could watch the Seahawks game together. His friend C. (who he hasn't seen in a while, he explained) already asked him, so... That led me to ask if he was going to make time for me sometime on the weekend or during the week. He started in on his whole to-do list: working on Saturday, and maybe an open house on Sunday or the Seahawks, blah blah blah. And he's getting his motorcycle from Chicago that he'll want to ride -- he needs his practice, you understand...

I said, I realize that and that I was asking for his “after dark” time. I’d already factored in the other stuff. See, I'm gooooooood. And relentless. What have I got to lose, right? So I start in on Saturday, "well I might be taking my dad to the movie for his birthday…" Okay, Friday? "Well I have plans for Friday…. Thursday will work, yeah, Thursday. And then I'll have to get back to you on the weekend."

He's got to check which day is better for his dad, Friday or Saturday -- so he didn't want to commit to one or the other, it's his dad's birthday after all.

So, Thursday it is! I even made sure he wrote it down on his little white board of things to do on what days for the week. I told you, relentless.

We had a sweet parting. But somehow, all the stuff we talked about (but without resolution -- it was really just ideas thrown out why things might be the way they are, blah blah blah) caught up with me. That and the 2-4 hours of sleep I got that night (I don't sleep well over at his place most of the time) just opened the flood gates and I was pretty emotional all day Monday. I don't know if it was my intuition kicking me in the butt, or the overwhelming emotional release of staying so "together" the night before. I was a mess. But I didn't call or anything.

Well, I did e-mail him the fantasy, ha ha ha, because he asked for it. And I edited the photos I took of him Sunday, printed them out but did not e-mail them. Those are my ransom, I suppose. So far he has forgotten they even exist! No response on the fantasy and I tried not to let it bother me. I worked out and that seemed to take the edge off the hurt and fear that was crushing me -- at least temporarily. But by the time I got to work Tuesday, I was a walking anxiety ball. Picture Taz from Looney Toons, you know, when he's all whirly. That was me. I just KNEW he was going to call or write or tell me that he'd thought about it, and Thursday just wasn't a good idea. In fact, we should just put an end to all of this.

Either that, or I'd show up Thursday, and I'd get that "I have something serious to say" after I arrived. Know what I’m saying? Do you think I’m ever going to get over this? Geez…

Tuesdays I have my counseling appointment, and as I was pulling in to the parking lot of my counselor’s office I heard my phone beep. I had it on a quiet setting so that it won't ring while I’m at work, but it beeps once and vibrates to let me know I have a call or message. The display showed I had missed a call and that I had a new message. I checked the call log and saw that the call was from E. I quickly listened to the message and it was basically, "Hi, it's E. It's 4:00. Give me a call when you get the time." His tone was cold and abrupt. Instantly, I was shaking cold and then hot at the same time and I literally could see, hear and feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I was already a little bit late to my appointment (we usually start late anyway) and I had a quick debate with myself whether or not to call him back. I figured, I had better call, find out what it was about for a couple of reasons. One, I wouldn't be able to listen to a single word my counselor said because my mind would be tripping on the call, working out all the possible permutations (ALL of them bad, of course). Reason two, I could hear what E. wanted and be all prepared with a parachute (talking with Leanne) if it was BAD.

So I called and he just wanted to let me know that Thursday wasn't going to work because he had to meet with a real estate client. But he did want to see me sometime that weekend. So would I call him back later that night when I had time to talk and we could set something up? The real estate client in question is the soon-to-be-ex-wife of one of his best friends and this is a meeting that might lead to him listing their house – something he’s been trying to set up since before the holidays. I already knew how important this meeting was too him and appreciated the importance of it, so I wasn’t devastated about not having Thursday with E. Also, he still wanted to get together – I was totally expecting him to just leave it as, “Well, sorry, it just didn’t work out for this week. I’ll call ya.”

The adrenaline rush of the blah phone message and then the adrenaline crash that followed the actual conversation, as short as it was, was so overwhelming. I was so glad that I had my appointment to go to (which, by the way, late as I was, I still had to WAIT for her to show up!) This is so whacky.

My appointment went extra long and made me have to reschedule my training appointment with P. (scheduled for 6:30), but I was still able to go to my massage appointment (7:00). Can you say overbooked? I was planning on working out after my massage appointment, but the masseuse say, nugatory! I was disappointed not to get to workout. My workouts have been a little sporadic this past week, and I think that has contributed to the emotional ups and downs as well as not getting near enough sleep. I’m in a manic phase, L.S. It’s kinda freaking me out.

By the time I was finished with my massage appointment, I was seeing the world through new eyes. I was pretty centered and "untouchable" if that makes sense. I had my strength back for when I talked to E. when I got home. Even though I still didn’t have the “which day of the weekend” figured out (we determined he would know which day to get together after he talked with his dad Wednesday, since his motorcycle coming from Chicago would be delivered that day and since it is being stored at his dad’s place, he would be able to talk to his dad and determine which day they’re going to the movie.)

E. let me know that he will be hosting an open house at the same fancy-schmancy place on Sunday. I asked him if he would need my radio again. He told me his dad had a radio he could borrow, but he was quick to assure me that that didn't mean he didn't want to use MY radio, he just didn't want me putting myself out again to go there... LOL He’s getting a little more sensitive on how what he says and does might have a negative effect on me. Hmmm, that’s a nice improvement, huh?

So, I go into Wednesday with all of that hanging up in the air, and I still wasn't ruffled. I was actually feeling pretty good. Amazing. I'm okay. I'm really enjoying this okay feeling. It may be short-lived, but I'm all over it! Being pretty busy at work has helped too. The only, un-okay feeling I’ve been feeling is incredibly irritable and short-tempered here at work. It’s like my fuse is really short and if someone oversteps even just a little, ZAPPO!

Wednesday night I was SORT of expecting to get a call from him. I was tied up on the phone with, at one time, three people at the same time – one I was already on a call with, two others calling at the same time. The call I was on was with D., this guy I met a few weeks ago just once, but we talk daily practically – although he stopped talking to me when I started spending more time with E. – despite us only being friends (and that’s what we would only ever be.) D. was having some stalker drama (where he was the stalker – long story…) I was trying to talk him down off the ledge.

Caller number two is this adorable cutie named C., C. for short. He is a pilot, 6’3”, blue eyes. 29. Totally hilarious and a smarty pants. Sigh… We’re meeting up on Saturday at noon at a Starbucks near where I live. We’ve been corresponding for a few weeks now. Caller number three is Z., who I will be leaving here soon to meet at my watering hole, the Yarrow Bay Beach Café. Z. lives near S. He’s 27 or 28 and also a funny man. I sent him a text message to tell him what I’m wearing. He sent me back a message that says he’s wearing a purple plaid leisure suit. Gotta love a funny guy.

All this talking made me late for my 7:45 appointment with P. I worked out, helped P. with some stuff on the Internet, rode the bike for 45 minutes and then headed out to the car expecting to find a “missed call” from E. I even had my whole, respond the next morning in an e-mail like he does scenario going. Of course, whenever I plot something underhanded or mean, I never get to act on it! No message on my phone or e-mail. I was a little annoyed, but only because I needed to know which night so that I could juggle my “boys.” Lol

I still didn’t have a message from him this morning so I decided to call him at noon. Had to leave a message, of course, and you KNOW how much I adore doing that. NOT! Well, he called me back at about 3:00 and was pretty chatty. All about his day, the game-plan for the meeting with D.’s soon-to-be-ex… The man just doesn’t know how to control himself when he begins to put his foot in his mouth about maybe having to flirt with her, how the girls at the bank all have crushes on him, and it’s not like he exactly flirts with them because he’s not sexually attracted to them or anything… GRIEF!

Bottom line, he is coming over to my place on Saturday night. He suggested coming to my place and staying the night. “But, remember, I’m going to have to leave early the next morning…” (open house). “Oh and all these people are going to come by the open house. My dad, some friends. Even K. might stop by…” K. is the ex. I’m reading this as his way of telling me that I’m not welcome at the open house this time around. Maybe I’m just taking it personally when it doesn’t have anything to do with me. I do seem to have a problem that way. I’m going to believe it was meant to discourage me from stopping by. But you can be sure I will be clarifying that Saturday.

Again, he was really chatty and stayed on the phone with me for 15 minutes. I even had to ask him to wait a minute while I talked with someone here (one of the CITY COUNCIL MEMBERS!!!! Stopped by to introduce herself to me since I’m the administrative support for her committee). How embarrassing is that to be caught on your CELL phone chatting at work by a Council Member! Oy! Anyway, the shocker of that was that he didn’t just tell me he had to go when I asked him to wait a sec. That is totally E. modus operendi. Not this time. He told me he would call me tomorrow and firm up a time on Saturday.

Why do I feel skeptical about that call? ;-) I hate feeling all snarky and doubtful about this. It’s my natural inclination. My desire is to take it with a grain of salt and if he calls, he calls. If he doesn’t, I know he’ll call Saturday. He just may have to get my voice mail if I’m all tied up with Mr. C. :-p

I tell ya, L.S. I think about what you said in your last e-mail. How you’re committed to making the best of your relationship with G. That that is where your heart is – not in meeting new people. I was totally there before the break. I don’t know if I can get there again. Sometimes I enjoy and look forward to meeting these new people. Other times… Well it just hurts my heart. Tonight and Saturday, I’m looking forward to it. Still… I feel like I’m putting bad energy out there in the universe – that if I truly wanted things to work with E., I wouldn’t be venturing out this way. I wonder if the universe will punish me big time.

I think the truth is that I will punish myself with feeling bad about myself.

That is the long and the short of it. Well, there really isn’t all that much that’s short about what I wrote! Ha ha ha I do my best to view this with open eyes. To see what is before me, not what I WANT to be in front of me. I see changes, both good and bad, in E. The bad would be the feeling of “distance” between us when we’re together – actual physical distance that doesn’t get closed unless we’re having sex – and even then, it seems separate somehow (this is where the performance issues seem to present themselves.) I hope that we will work toward some truce within and between ourselves. We are both so protective of ourselves. I see him keeping distant to protect me, but also to make sure he’s doing the best he can to believe that he is not leading me on in any way. I don’t know if this is the case, but that is what I feel. My feelings are sometimes dead on (there’s that whole intuition thing going for me) but sometimes they are purposefully skewed to make me feel the worst I possibly can.

Okay, it’s time for me to meet Z. I haven’t really had time to re-read this and edit for clarity or whatever. So you’re getting the unabridged dump. :-)

How was your Thursday night?

Love, LK

Re: THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

hey these are funny. I got the other one right away. New England sucks any way... later skater


----- Original Message -----
From: L.
To: E-mail Friends
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 4:23 PM
Subject: THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY

Okay, except for the first excerpt below (I'm a little sensi-poo on THAT subject), these are pretty funny! Enjoy!

********************************************************************************

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

********************************************************************************

Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"

********************************************************************************

How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

********************************************************************************

I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.

After having met you,
I've changed my mind.

********************************************************************************

I must admit,

you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

********************************************************************************

As the days go by,

I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

********************************************************************************

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

********************************************************************************

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)

********************************************************************************

Happy birthday!

You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

********************************************************************************

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

********************************************************************************

We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop?

********************************************************************************

I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.

********************************************************************************

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

********************************************************************************

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.

********************************************************************************

P.S.

Mon Jan 16, 2006 01:56 PM
To: E.
From: L.

Hi again,

When you tell me what you think, will you respond to my home e-mail please?

I had to send the file from my work e-mail (long, geeky story). :-)

Bye!

L.

L.'s Fantasy

Mon Jan 16, 2006 01:26 PM
From: L.
To: E.

Hey, E.,

Attached you will find the reason behind the outfit I wore to your Open House on Sunday... :-) It seemed like you really enjoyed yourself at this open house, and I hope the contacts you made will turn into big business! I enjoyed our conversation between role plays ha ha ha -- San Fransico... Awesome! I am glad that you trust me with your thoughts. I value our friendship alot.

Okay, here's my little daydream while I was in computer class last week. Tell me what you think, k?

Hope your day was great!

L.

L.'s Fantasy for E.

I’m waiting for him to arrive. I shift slightly, feeling the rasp of the stocking garters rub against the bare skin of my upper thighs. I adjust my skirt and swing the toe of my high heeled black boots.

There he is; all pressed white shirt, striped tie and perfectly tailored slacks. His smile is warm and infectious – the brief kiss sets off a heat between my legs and the first moistness of my lower lips wets the cushion of the seat beneath me. I am not wearing panties.

“Would you like to take a drive?” I ask huskily.

He nods his assent and we head to his car. I know he is admiring the shiny black boots hugging my calves as he walks behind me. I slide into the front seat and the door closes tightly behind me. As he takes his position behind the wheel, I look him solidly in the eye and say, “You’re going to want to slide that console back as far as it can go.”

We leave the parking lot and enter the roadway. The sky is just dimming into night. “Where do you want to go?” He asks.

“Just drive,” I respond, sliding a little closer to him.

My hand absently grabs his tie and tugs gently as it slides down the length of it, until my fingers gently graze his sheathed cock – was that a little jump I detected? My gaze focuses down to where my hand remains on his hardening cock, and my fingers begin their search for the zipper separating them from their destination.

As I lean over, bringing my face closer to the downed zippers, my lips part and I say, “This could get a little dirty.” My skirt climbs up my thighs a bit, exposing the black of the garters and the white of my thighs. His breathing becomes shallower and a murmur of appreciation escapes his lips. One hand strays from the wheel to touch those white thighs where the black stockings end. I part my thighs to allow his fingers to find the wetness between them.

My hands work to gently extract his hard cock from the briefs under his slacks and the purplish head becomes visible, jutting out of the soft fabric. I want to taste that cock, and I close the distance between it and my waiting mouth, slipping that straining head between my lips. I taste the salt of that first drip of cum and he moans as his hard cock slides down my throat to bump into the back of my throat for the first time.

I close my lips around his shaft, working my tongue to tickle the head on each stroke of my up and down motion. I can’t help but moan as his fingers press inside me, gathering the wetness there and tickling my clit, before plunging home again. My hips start swaying in response to my growing excitement and I take his cock as deep in my throat as I can. His hand moves to the back of my head, tangling in my hair and pressing my mouth into his crotch – his cock bumping the back of my throat, over and over until I gag slightly, that reflex squeezing the head of his cock for just a moment.

I can feel his balls tighten as he growls, “That feels so good….”

My mouth leaves his cock for just long enough to say, “Find a place to park. I want you to bend me over and fuck me hard.”

As the car glides to a stop, I lift my head, kiss his mouth, plunging my tongue inside to meet his and then draw away, sucking his tongue as I go. My hand has not stopped stroking his cock. My fingers slide easily over the wetness of my saliva on that iron-hard cock.

Somehow he slides the seat back as far as it will go and pushes me over the back of the seat, my head pressed into the back seats of the car. I feel cool air on the skin of my ass as he lifts my skirt exposing the bare skin. I feel the throbbing head of his cock at the entrance to my dripping hole. I gasp as I feel his cock drive deep. I realize the urgency was too strong to slide his pants down, as I feel the chill of his zipper press into my ass cheeks.

He teases me with slow strokes, so that I feel every ripple and fold of that hard cock against the walls of my pussy. One of his hands grips my hip, the other tangles into my hair and pulls my head back. Soon his cock is plunging into me, lifting me with each deep stroke. His mouth is close to my ear, and between gritted teeth he growls, “I’m gonna cum… Uh, I’m gonna cum…”

A bellow escapes his lips as I feel his cock spurting inside me. We stay coupled, both panting hard, until he pulls out slowly and settles into his place behind the wheel. I fall back against the passenger seat, feeling the first drips of cum leak out between my legs. “Mmmmm,” is all I can manage. Then, “Thanks for driving.”

"Heya" Message Thread

Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 10:03 AM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: Heya

Hi, Eric,

Hope your day is going well. Happy Birthday to your dad!

I have that Satellite radio boom box available to you for Sunday to listen to the Bears game at your open house. I can meet you early, before the open house and hand it off to you or set it up for you if you like. That way I'll be out of the way when you start working with the Finance guy. Just let me know.

On a separate note... While I was in my class yesterday, I got to thinking about you in your real estate duds and that got me thinking about that night in the car at the hockey game... And out of all this thinking, a fantasy arose. Are you interested in hearing it? ;-)

Bye...

L.


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 12:48 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: Heya

yup!


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 12:49 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: Heya

Ha ha ha --

are you referring to the fantasy or the radio? ;-)

L.


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 1:50 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: Heya

the fantasy


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 1:51 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: Heya

All right. But I have to attach it as a Word document. It's a little to hot for the sensors...

I want to hear what you think...

L.


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 2:50 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: Heya

K .. I wanna talk dirty and tell you what I've been doing with myself!


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 2:50 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: Heya

Do I need to go to my car?

L.


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 4:46 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: Heya

huh? go to your car? I guess we can't get to descriptive here huh? hope your day was great .... bye


Sent: Friday, January 13, 2006 4:54 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: Heya

Ha ha ha... I thought you were going to call me, is why I said that.

Write to my home e-mail. Talk dirty to me...

L.

E. Novella - Letter to a Friend

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 3:47 pm

Hi, L.S.,

I wanted to write this in its own e-mail. It’s a long one – you know me and the play-by-play, blow-by-blow I’m famous for. This, seriously, is the only thing that kept me awake in class today.

I realize that you may not even be in a good enough place to read this. First, ahead of anything, take care of you. I just got your e-mail back on the G. situation, and haven’t had a chance to read it. I’m going to now. Here’s my story…

Yes, I did stay over at E.'s last night. I had included him in that joint e-mail of Cal's photo and the cat/dog diary. He wrote right back (which is unprecedented -- as was writing to me at work). So I wrote back. And he wrote back again! Which led to a phone call on my part and an invitation to come over on his part. It was totally spur of the moment – I had no idea this would happen. All day I struggled mightily with myself on the whole issue of staying all night – would I or wouldn’t I? Would he even ask me to? He did (well, he asked me if I was going to stay the night or not), and I did, and I think my subconscious played tricks on me all night with my dreams.

There were some good things that arose out of last night. He stayed dressed in his real estate garb for me, so that he was all pretty in his nice pants, flashy tie and white shirt. And, yes, he did it just for me. He talked a lot about his goals and where he's going with his real estate, and his excitement was so contagious.

The best part of that excitement is that it was all natural – not related to smoking. In fact, he is going to stop smoking. He doesn't have any more herb in his place and he doesn't plan on buying anymore. He realizes that he gets a lot more done when he doesn't do it.

What amazes and excites me is that he keeps me involved in this decision, that it's important for me to know what he's doing -- almost like he's seeking my approval. I'm just glad that he's going to stop. That it's becoming important enough for him -- that he and his future are important enough for him -- to take this big step. That's the friend in me, as well as the girlfriend in me, the person who only wants the best for him, even if that doesn't involve me.

We made dinner together, which I always enjoy, and I'm feeling like he is way more comfortable/settled about than I am. Now he just takes for granted that I'm going to help (i.e. take a VERY active part in) prepare dinner. I get my assignment, and he has his. He's much less self-conscious and awkward with me there than before we implemented "the break." To me his behavior feels like it's just natural that I'm there and that we've been together for a long, long time. I don't know if I'm communicating this very well to you.

To illustrate…

We made spaghetti for dinner. While we were making dinner, he asked me to get the parmesan cheese out of the fridge, then said something like, "I don't know if you're down for that type of thing." (Meaning he didn’t know if I liked putting parmesan cheese on my pasketti). I laughed and reminded him that I was Italian. He laughed and said, "Yes, I know." Then he said something like, "I've been keeping a watch in my rear-view mirrors for black cars lately. I keep thinking I'm seeing them following me."

It took a sec for me to realize he was teasing me about having mafia ties, and that I might have called them in to put a hurting on him.

I laughed and asked him if he felt like he deserved to be hurt. He just laughed. Then I said that I had ties to the Russian mob too, so he ought to be doubly cautious. Wink Wink. I told him about the call that D. (my Russian bodybuilder) made on Christmas Eve and the nice things he said. E. thought that was really nice of D., and then said, "So I'm sure you told him everything that happened with us and he offered to beat me up."

I didn't deny it. Because D. actually had... jokingly.

I thought that it was so interesting that E. would bring any of this up -- that he deserved to be "taken out" or "beat up." We hadn't spoken of the "break" at any time. This was the closest we had come. Weird, huh? It really caught me off guard – but at the same time was strangely relieving.

Now that he has this new couch, he has these little TV tables that he uses. It struck me as funny, and I made the comment, as I was setting up my table, “Look at us. We’re like the old married folks at home.” He laughed. We ate. We took our plates into the kitchen and he asked if I was okay with just watching some TV and chilling. We tried to watch TV after that. I say it like that because it felt so awkward and uncomfortable to me. I honestly don’t know if he felt weird or not. He was all reclined (his couch has these secret recliners on each end) and I was kinda curled up in the middle of the sofa. He reminded me that my end of the couch reclined too.

We watched That 70’s Show and then the show after that is called “Stacked,” the Pamela Anderson sit-com. We started watching this and I laughed a little, but the show is totally stupid and formulaic. E. asked me, “Is this working for you?” Where all the places my head was at, I couldn’t exactly figure out what the “this” is that he was referring to, so I asked if he meant the TV show. He did, and I was honest and said it wasn’t. He took it upon himself to find Law & Order Criminal Intent and CSI – and asked me which one I wanted to watch. Mind you, he doesn’t watch either, but he knows I like those shows.

I don’t know why this is so important to me to point out to you. Maybe to try to point out the little things he does for me that show me he cares and pays attention. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s part of the reason that I like him. It’s the weird little surprises.

He watched the rest of the CSI show with me and then had a few things that he needed to do before we went to bed. He was careful to tell me what it was and how long it would take so I wouldn’t feel ignored or awkward or whatever.

But you see, for me, I still feel awkward, I still feel uncomfortable and scared and waiting for the other shoe to drop -- and it takes every effort I have to come across as nonchalant. Trust issues, man. The only time I feel in control and confident is when we're having sex.

Warning Warning --- explicit content to follow --- Warning Warning

Speaking of... THAT was REALLY weird last night. He had a total oral fixation last night and it turned out to be the only way he could climax. The only time he could keep an erection was the first time we had sex, and that sex was mutually oral (if ya know what I mean). The two other times we tried to have sex, he could get hard, but not stay hard. The first time, we started with the mutual oral again (he LOVES this -- dreams about it -- writes to me about it) and then moved on to me on top. It was going okay until I could feel him soften up. He joked, "It seems we have a rhythm problem here."

Now, between you and me, I'm not overly fond of the woman on top position with him because I don't really feel very much and because of the awkwardness of movement between us (hence, the rhythm problem). He likes this position, like most men, so I indulge him because he indulges me on what I like.

Well, we haven't had the go-soft issue before. We laughed a little about the rhythm comment and I told him if he didn't like the way I was moving, then he should grab me or tell me what to do (this is kinda hot, if it's done right). I don't remember him saying anything to that. I asked him if he felt distracted, and he admitted that he was. He wasn't happy about going soft and was very apologetic. We tried to get going again, but it wasn't really happening, so I suggested we just go to sleep. Again, he kept saying he was sorry. I'm sure you already know how kind and understanding and comforting I was to him about that – I hate it when people feel bad.

But, inside I was having nigglies. The nigglies came in the form of, "I don't excite him anymore. He doesn't like me enough to want to have face-to-face, intercourse type sex anymore. He's disconnecting. He's distancing." Basically, I was making it all about me.

Yet, all night long, he stayed closed to me. Pressed up to me in one way or another. Whenever I moved, he would ask if I was okay (later I found out he was doing this in his sleep because he didn't remember doing it.) In the morning, he always asks how I slept, and I was honest and told him sporadically, because I had weird dreams all night. Then I always ask him how he slept, and he said great. But he woke up with his back hurting really bad. He cuddled into me and asked if I'd be disappointed if we didn't have sex. At first I was my usual, "No, it's okay," and then I added, "Well, honestly, yeah I would be, but I understand and it's okay."

Again he was all apologetic. This only brought up some issues for me -- and these are my own issues, not any he's placed on me. My issue goes something like, he thinks I'm only there to get laid and he thinks that I expect him to perform on demand. And if he doesn't, then I'll think less of him and he thinks less of himself. The primary issue being that I'm just there to get laid. Round and round.

I offered to rub his back for him and he accepted and I actually made him feel better. He cuddled up into me again and when his hand accidentally brushed against me “down there,” he said, "I better not do that, don't want to get you excited for nothing." Much more cuddling ensued, along with pillow talk and a lot of "I don't want to get ups..." Then he decided he needed to check what time it was.

5:10.

That made me realize he had set the alarm to factor in “play time.” What’s the big deal with that, you may ask. Well, here again, is another example of him listening to me and doing what I ask/suggest. The night before, when he was setting his alarm, I had asked him if he had included play time in the wakeup time. At the time he said that he hadn't, and then didn't say anything more, like adding a, "but I will now." He just did it.
I couldn’t help but comment, "Wow, we still have a little time left before we have to get up. You gave us some play time."

He said, "A little birdie told me to." Which only reinforced to me that he really does listen, remember and will do what I ask for IF I ask for it.

Then while he was laying on his back (after checking the time), he suddenly says, "Look what's getting hard."

The man totally blows my mind. Maybe what fascinates me most is that just when I think I know what to expect, he does something different.

So, we started up with having sex. Despite his hurting back (which he told me I DID make feel better) and his stuffed up head (he doesn't like to have sex when his head is stuffed up because it gives him a headache) he tries, and tries and tries. He stayed hard (at least more so than the night before) but I could tell he was totally somewhere else. He kept trying to pull himself back to me – to the moment. He'd hug onto me tight or give me some direction or something that would turn him on, but then in no time, off he'd go.

He was so incredibly frustrated by it. He kept saying, "I don't know why I do this. I don't know what's going on."

I gave him all the reassurances of reminding him how much he'd been in to-do mode for the last few days. For those days it had been all about getting ten million things done. It's difficult to shut that off. (I also thought to myself… not to mention that he isn't using the marijuana to shut that off.) I don't know if he was buying it despite his murmurings of maybe.

Despite my reassurances to him, my nigglies were back with a vengeance. Which inspired me to do the thing I just hate about myself. The whole say something to test-the-waters, snarky type of thing. I said, "Maybe it's because you just don't like me anymore."

I honestly can't remember if he said anything after that – maybe he said something like, “you think so?” But I really don’t know, I was so mad at myself and fearful of the response. We were already rousing ourselves to get moving, so the only thing I remember him saying for sure is "I need to get in the shower."

I could just kick myself because I just can't help but fill him full of new ideas to consider why he wouldn't want to be with me. Why do I do that? Why do I want to self-sabotage? Is it a need for control of the situation? Since I don’t know when the end is coming, maybe I should just bring it on. You know what I’m talking about?

While he was in the shower I made the bed and fixed him a cup of coffee so it was waiting for him on the counter. He expressed his appreciation of these things. By this time I was already dressed, had checked the traffic cams and was sipping on my own cup. This morning was no where NEAR the level of awkward or cold that Saturday morning was. It was actually pretty friendly and relaxed and the only thing lacking was setting a time when we would see each other next.

I know pretty much everything he’s got going on for the next few days. Friday’s his dad’s birthday. Saturday he’s working. Sunday he has an open house at this million dollar home in Newcastle. He's really excited about that and that this mortgage guy will be coming by to work the open house with him and strategize how to move his business forward. I may be stopping by, but then again, I may not. He's supposed to call me. My nigglies have me doubting he’ll want me there, that I’ll be a distraction or worse yet, an embarrassment (my feeling-scared issue, not his). Either way, I’m not getting my hopes up.

All in all, this get-together was a lot less upsetting and/or emotional than Friday's hockey game. While we were pillow-talking, he said we needed to take some pictures sometime. So I know he's still got “future thought” going on. Yet he gets a little cagey when it comes to actually firming up those plans. It almost makes me laugh, actually -- it's like I’m watching this from far away or something.

I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to say with this whole e-mail. I think part of what I’m saying is that I’m confused (in a good way) and intrigued and a little pissy and a little scared and yet I’m okay. I think that if it ended today, I would be more okay with it than I was earlier this week.

While I would like to know what’s going on here, like is the break over or what? I’m okay.

I think I told you about this in so much detail is that, as usual, I’m interested in your thoughts, your impressions. I realize that you are probably not in any place to want to even comment on this. That’s what made me hesitate, and then type this in its own e-mail. Please get back to me when you can.

Thank you for being there for me. You are such a special person. God bless!

L.K.

"Re: For the Animal Lovers in my Life" Message Thread

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:10 AM
From: L.
To: Email group including E.
Subject: For the Animal Lovers in my Life

I have a particular cat in mind when I read the cat portion of the diary. For those of you who haven't met him, this is Cal (aka Son of Satan)... Enjoy the attached file. :-)

Wednesday, January 11, 2006 12:58 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: For the Animal Lovers in my Life

your cat is looking right at me .... now I'm having dirty thoughts : )

hope your day is going well

bye


Wednesday, January 11, 2006 1:05 PM
From: L.
To: E.
Subject: RE: For the Animal Lovers in my Life

Ha ha ha

Feel like sharing those thoughts? Come on now... don't be shy... ;-)

Thanks for the message last night -- I've been kind of tied up with a family issue. My 9 month old niece had to be rushed to the hospital after my sister-in-law had to administer CPR to get her breathing started up again. :-(

She's doing better today, so that makes my day better.

Hey, if I get Seahawks tickets to the game Saturday, would you want to go?

Okay, back to work. Have a good day!


Wednesday, January 11, 2006 1:31 PM
From: E.
To: L.
Subject: Re: For the Animal Lovers in my Life

God, I hope that your niece gets better soon.

About the tickets .. I wanna go sooo bad, but I have taken 2 days off of work this week and Tony has work this weekend. You know I wanna go ... you know that. I am doing an open house Sunday, so ... God I hate to say it but I need to pass on the game. I don't even think I'm going to get to watch it. : ( boo who.
The game I really wanna watch is on Sunday anyway. I think the Hawks are good to go. The Bears on the other hand, maybe not. That is going to be a good game.
You really wanna hear about what I'm thinking about ... me and your cat.

bye

Subject: Hi

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 3:48 PM
To: L.
From: E.

i don't want you to think I am ignoring you. I have been busy with my license thing.

I hope to hear from you

bye

Subject: You forgot to tell me...

Sun, 8 Jan 2006 11:12:11
To: E.
From: L.

Which coffee stand had your advertisement on tv... I'd like to check it out sometime.

Thanks again for the fun evening. I really enjoyed myself. Hope you did as well.

Later skater ;-)

L.

P.S. You left a bruise the size of texas on my right thigh! :-p

"A Hallmark e-card from L." Message Thread

Wed, 4 Jan 2006 05:05:30
To: L.
From: E.
Re: A Hallmark e-card from L.

that was sweet! Thanks for that cute lil card. Fridaynight is almost here, hehe

I will call you in the eve tommorow, k?
bye have a great day! : )


Thu, 5 Jan 2006 09:32:12
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Re: L. has sent you a Hallmark e-card

Nice talkin' widya last night, E. :-)

Have a great day and I'll see you tomorrow night.

L.

Subject: Hey

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 19:35:32
To: L.
From: E.

So I wanted to say hi and that I was thinking about you.

Still wanna go to the Hockey game? You and me or have things changed. Its ok if so ...

Hope you have a safe evening and I'll talk to you soon ... K

e.


Sun, 1 Jan 2006 21:23:39
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Re: Hey

Hey there... Happy New Year! Hope your evening was a good one. :-)

What about that Shaun Alexander? Set two records today... I can't wait for the playoffs.

I've been thinking about you too. And, yes, I'd like to go to the hockey game with you, that'd be cool.

Hope all is good with you and that you enjoyed your family's visit.

Bye for now... :-)

Lisa

P.S. Happy Birthday!