Subject: you like to be on top

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 05:09:09
To: L.
From: E.

I gotta stop touching myself. My hands are so dry and callis. It does not feel so good at times.

I really do think your great and can't wait till next time we meet. I have that motorcycle class this weekend and Thursday.

Hey, wanna meet up to night?

call me, I gotta go

kisses

Subject: I wanna knock boots...

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 22:48:11
To: E.
From: L.

And I also want to hear how that phone call with S. went on Monday night. You left me hanging, dude! I need the 4-1-1. ;-)

Did you have a good day?

Mine was kinda slow and draggy, and, dang, it was tough getting to work extra early. I don't know how you do it.

I'm serious about the boots knockin'...

Hmmm, guess I'll just have to take matters into my own hands.

Think about me...

L.

"How's your Tuesday Bluesday going? :-)" Message Thread

Sent: Tue 11/29/2005 2:21 PM
From: LKK
Subject: How's your Tuesday Bluesday going? :-)

Hey, Gurl,

How's Tuesday shaping up for you so far? Any phone calls last night after we talked?

P. never showed up to the gym, which is weird for him not to -- especially when no e-mail communication was attempted. The manager at the gym let me know that he has some big papers due right now, so he was probably working on them. But still... lol I worked out anyway. Did 70 minutes on the recumbent bike. Just long enough for me to finish my book called, "Broken Prey." Good book if you like crime thrillers. Which I do. :-)

I picked up some groceries after the workout and ate my dinner (southwestern roasted chicken from the QFC deli) while I watched the end of Monday night football. I waited until that was over before I called E. I'm such a "good" girlfriend. Surprisingly, he picked up the phone. I always think about you and your G. call screening when I dial. I'm not sure if E. does that or not. I'm guessing he does. Heck, sometimes I do it as well. But I must have rated last night to get the actual call pick up. LOL!!!

Actually, he said something pretty sweet for E. When he was telling me he wanted to get to bed by 9:30 and had a bunch of stuff he still needed to do before that. He said something like, "it's probably that right now." I told him it was 9:20, fully expecting to get the "gotta go" speech. Instead, I got, "I'll stay up later for you."

Doh! (that's a happy Doh! But it's a DOH! nonetheless...) :-)

He did have to end our conversation abruptly a bit after that, though, when S. (the condo lady) called. Some complications affecting whether the condo will be sold or not have come up and the call was important. S.'s mom was dragging her feet on accepting the buyer's reduced offer (there are some structural issues that will need to be fixed for the whole condo building itself). E. was planning on going to talk to S.'s mom today if she was not interested in accepting the lower offer (which, earlier in our conversation, was the case). So, S.'s call was hopefully good news. He's supposed to call me today, so I'm kinda anxious to hear how this whole thing works out. If the condo sells, that will mean good Christmas money for our man Terbie. lol

Work is kinda slow today. I had one of my brainless tasks taken away from me today. It takes up an hour or so of my morning, and I kinda look forward to that distraction before the big stuff starts. :-( I'm leaving at 4:30 today. I had to come in at 8:00 (one hour and FIFTEEN minutes early, just so's you know... hee hee), so I'm outta here at 4:30. I have an appointment with Leanne at 4:30, so it worked out pretty slick.

Well, that's my TOTALLY boring side of the conversation. What's new in your zoo? :-)


Sent: Tue 11/29/2005 3:26 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: How's your Tuesday Bluesday going? :-)

Yeow you sent me plenty to chat about but I'm leaving early today .. didn't take a lunch at all and am going home to take care of T-dog and get up to Everett for that blasted dance class tonight LOL It doesn't start until 7:45 but we're meeting at 7 and I don't want any trauma getting there. I will catch up with you tomorrow!

Just a note, G. DID call me from the cab home and after talking for a little bit he told me he'd be home if I needed him. I was like, What does that mean? And he told me to figure it out. He laughed. I told him, I'm done trying to figure things out, so tell me what it means - and he didn't so, I left it alone. He got online though when he got home and IM'ed me to "cum over" and help him warm up because his house was so cold from being gone so long. Dimwit me, I thought it would be good stuff if he missed me that bad, so I went :) It was good, and he tried to make me stay over but I didn't. We just never talk about anything anymore. It's very strange to feel so vicerally connected to someone you don't even know anymore. It's so wacked I don't even know what TO say if I wanted to say something. I just wonder, you know, how he can put so much effort into being intimate with me and not say a work about anything, ever. Not that he does it more than once a week so I guess it's just maintenance effing.

I picked up a new boy toy yesterday. He caught my PSSBL comment and wanted to know about it - and that lead to a significant amount of IM's yesterday and lengthy emails today. His name is S. and he's 40, lives in Mukilteo. I got a pic of him today and he's not bad looking. Anyway, add him to the list :)

Gotta run doll face, I'll be a better e-buddy tomorrow!Have a good evening & wish me luck with this dang lesson-taking business!

XOXO


Sent: Tue 11/29/2005 3:28 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: How's your Tuesday Bluesday going? :-)

Holy cow, I can hardly wait until tomorrow's installment.

Mucho luck with the dancing tonight. I'm sure you will be absolutely fabulous. You've got the glow about you. Work it, baby! :-)

Talk witchya tomorrow. Have a blast!!!!!

"Groany Monday" Message Thread

Sent: Mon 11/21/2005 11:33 AM
From: LS
Subject: Groany Monday

Good morning Sunshine :D

I know you are not feeling too sunshiney but hey be glad, it's the only day of your week!! That has to count for something -- I have 3 more than you plus a LOVELY day at the parents house with 4 dogs and S. .. as much as I have to be grateful for, I just don't want to go over there for the whole day. It's going to be a tough day.

Anyway back to nice, light email LOL

Mr. Coffee's name is B. I don't even know his last name but he says he's 42 (I think he's lying, I think he's a bit older) and he lives in the Greenwood area of North Seattle, not so far away from me really. We met at a coffee shop kinda by his place (my idea cuz I knew where it was and I thought it would be a cute place) and had coffee then tea from 10AM to 1:30PM when I realized how late it was and that A. was going to KILL me !! B. is a psycho-dog lover like me and we must have gone on about dogs for half the time we were there :) It was nice, actually. He's got more personality than I got from the phone conversation or scant emails we've sent. He's also got 2 old kids, 21 & 19 (girl/boy) and he's very much a skiier and snow sports guy -- neither of which I'm particularly excited about. The kid thing, I dunno .. adult kids are almost like just friends anyway but still, they are his kids. I think he's pretty big on skiing and ski trips, and that won't be my thing at all although going to a ski lodge or condo could have some benefits I WOULD like ;-) .. Anyway, he was very normal with a nice easy smile and easy-going manner to him. I think he liked me but I didn't get the feeling he was entranced or anything, which honestly? I'm glad about. It would be interesting and oh-so-novel to meet a guy I got to be friends with first LOL ... man how does that work anyway?!?! LOL His son is in the Coast Guard and is up here for the week so we made tentative plans to talk on the phone and then get together for dinner next week after the kid leaves :) He's already shown the daughter my pictures and talked to her about me - I dunno how that went or if I passed but I guess I must have, he says they are pretty tight. I'm not dying for it, but I am looking forward to seeing him again.

G. called yesterday day too while I was gone and that was cool because I wasn't home and he got my voicemail (doin' the happy dance HA HA) .. he didn't call me all weekend, again, but not like I didn't figure that was coming after I got the vocal memo of all the crap he had planned for himself all weekend and, I thought, thru the holiday weekend as well. Last night he called me again at about 9 on my cell, and I was just driving home from doing eBay stuff at work with T-dog, so we talked some then. I had been home once to get T-dog and got the voicemail but I didn't say I knew that. He told me he had hoped we could get together yesterday for dinner or something (mind you, this comes AFTER he has already not gotten ahold of me! How easy it is to make plans for an event AFTER the fact LOL -- I didn't really believe him, Sunday nights he likes to go to the Met for early dinner and he hasn't taken me there since like week 2 or 3) but he said that he would have asked me if he'd been able to reach me. Now, mind you -- I didn't call him back but I did have my cell on all day and he could have called that but he didn't. So I figure it's all just games and I'm still going along with it. Whatever, you know? I was joking with E. (my friend at work) today, that as long as he pays for dinner I'll put out, no biggie. E. was laughing and was all "TMI, TMI" which made me laugh too. LOL Anyway, I am going to go visit him tonight after my meeting, so I should be there around 7:45 or 8:00 and we are going to have pizza for dinner. I assume the subject of fooling around will come up but I'm not sure I want to -- I just started my period today and I kinda think that will be too much for him to deal with since we are just friends now (heavy eye roll face). He leaves Wed afternoon for home thru Sunday evening and I didn't offer to pick him up at the airport when he told me. I got the feeling he was kinda giving me the opportunity to offer, because he was going into detail about it and how he would try to get a friend to drive him to the airport and then take a cab home from the airport .. but I just let him go on about it. Screw it, you know? I don't see any reason to do girlfriend things for someone who doesn't consider me his girlfriend. If he point-blank asked me, I probably would do it - but I know he won't ask.

Don't I sound hardened to it all? Man .. remember when I thought he was so perfectly awesomely wonderful? Too bad that had to go south. I really thought he was too good to be true (and again, there's your sign -- too good to be true usually is!!!)

Okay there's my update. I am going to train at lunch today and sort of looking forward to it but not that much :) .. it will get easier but right now all I can think about is how much it's gonna hurt tomorrow !!!


Sent: Mon 11/21/2005 1:26 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Groany Monday

LOL My groan was purely for your benefit. I mean, what would the world be coming to if I wasn't behaving predictably for a Monday morning? :-) The sun is shining and it's a good day if for no other reason than that. That I only have one day to work this week.... Well, that is truly a bonus.

I wish you shared my good fortune on the number of days worked this week -- particularly after your nose-to-the-grindstone week last week. Hopefully you'll stay busy again this week to make the time fly by. Just remember, even though I'm not working at work, I will truly be working on vacation. Having four nieces and two nephews will keep me busy for sure. It will be nice to see them all, despite my grumping over it. :-)

Will S. be coming to the family Thanksgiving? And you have to stay the whole day? Hmmmm. If you do see that woman, will you be sure to protect any stray bunnies that might wander into your parent's yard for me? I don't trust her nazi-like extermination mentality. I mean, they're just doing what bunnies do -- and the frolicking... Well, what would a game at lower Woodland be like without those bunnies in the outfield? ;-)

Hmmmm. I'll be interested to see how this B. thing plays out. How I see it, you'll go into this much calmer if you have a milder interest in him than a throbbing passion. You'll have a pleasant distraction from the G. game-playing (which I don't necessarily whole-heartedly think is game-playing on his part. I think it's something more like total obliviousness to the way he's coming across). From what you tell me, he hasn't had a whole lot of experience in the whole relationship department. He's not a playah, man-ho. You and I have had so much experience with those sort of dudes that when we come across guys who are sincere (sincerely clueless) we don't know what to do with them.

Your cake analogy is something that fits G.'s actions, that's for sure. But, again, he's oblivious to how his actions can be interpreted that way. I think that he sincerely likes you, enjoys spending time with you, and TRULY does not want to hurt you. He just doesn't know how to mesh those together.

It's not so much hardened that you sound, but cautious with yourself. You've been hurt and it takes a while to rebuild trust. I think that if you come back to this relationship with your full heart, you'll "see" a bit more of the moments you're together. I hope that it dials down the hopes and fantasies of what it "should" be, only because I want the best for you and I don't want you to be hurt by how G. or anyone else might not measure up to that perfect guy that you want and have such a clear picture of in your head. I think that G. is seeing you and what you want with clearer eyes. But it truly is up to you to keep him in check -- call him on stuff. For instance.

G: "I had hoped we might get together for dinner Sunday night. I called an left you a message on your home phone..."

LS: "I enjoy having dinner with you. It's a shame you didn't call my cell number when you couldn't reach me at home. It's easier to get a hold of me on my cell."

You acknowledge the pleasure of his company. Gently chastise him on his behavior. And retrain him on what he should do next time. Was that a lame example?

More than anything, LS, have fun! I know how much you would like to have someone special for Christmas. Believe me, I do. I've spent the last four holidays with just my dad to buy for. Now that's a hard guy to shop for. :-) This isn't an easy time of year to meet new people either -- at least that's what I've found. It's easier for them to disappear with "commitments." I think the keeping busy, living YOUR life (which is a pretty active, cool life if you ask me) is your best defense against the G. blunder-behavior. :-) I mean, it's very Pink Book of you not to be available every time he calls. You can be nice about it and say, "Wow, I would have really enjoyed doing that with you. I hope you ask me again in the future with more advanced notice...." That provides you with something honest to say (that you would like to spend time with him) and encourages him to be more on your time schedule (i.e. not so spur of the moment next time, dude, I'm a busy, fabulous woman with a fabulous life that won't stop just because you called.) ;-)

Geez, how easy is for me to say this?!?! lol Yeah, right!

How was your training session? I think it's so great that you're doing this. I don't know how you can work out at lunch and come back to the office. I would be drained and super sweaty. lol Although, I have to admit, the times I've done it, I feell like I wasn't even at work that morning. The work day just gets blown away by those feel-good endorphins. :-) All I can say is, You go girl! :-)

To answer your question from yesterday's message... No, I didn't ask him anything about the use of herbs. He did bring it up himself while we were having our pillow talk (this is when I asked him my questions). He was talking about starting some cardio. He brought up the "black lung" sensation he's been having from working in that old space at Boeing the last three weeks. Then he mentioned that it probably didn't help that he was smoking a couple times a week. I just let him talk, inserting a gentle question here or there. I've discovered that for a lot of the important/touchy issues, it's good to let him bring them up and talk them through (he's a think-out-loud sort of guy). You know what I'm talking about... very slyly interjecting suggestions or asking the right questions phrased with the "do you thinks" " have you noticed" into the conversation so that, at the end, he thinks everything was his idea. :-) Hearken back to that scene in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when the Greek mom was giving her daughter advice on how to handle her father. ;-)

Yesterday was a breeze for me to get through. Not even one hiccup on the relationship front at all. No weird separation anxiety or anything. I have just a teensy weensy bit today, but I'm still doing pretty well. The only extreme anxiety I felt yesterday was when I watch last Thursday's episode of ER that I had TiVo'd. You know, when it's time for me to fly, I make a huge effort to avoid anything that relates to plane crashes or whatever. Well, for god's sake, that episode was about a freaking plane crash, where this plane breaks apart on take-off.

GAGH!

You know, it's amazing what a little bit of knowledge can do for a soul. And it doesn't hurt that the knowledge happened to be what I hoped it would be. :-)

Now I just have to get through the wait for his e-mail to confirm whether he's picking me up from the airport on Saturday. You know me. I can't help but wait for that other shoe to drop.

And that reminds me. KUDOES, BRAVO, RIGHT ON! I am so proud of you for not acknowledging that bit of lily-livered hinting the G-man was throwing your way. If he can't muster the guts to ask you directly, it's certainly not your job to interpret his ramblings or read his mind. It's not for you to volunteer. I mean, where are all these "friends" of his when he needs something done. I would think he's thrown enough money in tips and treats their way that they should be on his payroll by now. ;-) That was a HUGE thing you did, you pleaser you. What you did was please LS, who is a person deserving of some pleasing behavior.

Okay, I need to get back to my report-writing. Let me know how the gym went if you get the chance. Bye for now!

You Rock!


Sent: Mon 11/21/2005 2:32 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Groany Monday

No, YOU rock :D

That was a fun email to read! Thanks for putting the effort in when I know you gotta be slammed today. It didn't go unappreciated!!!

The gym was fun but ever-so-incredibly-painful .. my brain remembers being able to lift heavy and for some crazy reason it WILL if I load on heavier than beginner weight. Then about the 5th rep my muscles remember that they don't have it anymore and they just check OUT and I'm left holding the weight! Oopsies! It was strange, really. Almost like the nerves from my muscles to my brain aren't there or something. Dunno. Maybe I have nerve damage!!! :) I'll have to quit. (j/k!!)

I get a 2 hr lunch you know .. I work "technically" 7-5 so I can take the extra long lunch for workout time and then shower time. I have in the past come back without one and I really hate that used up, sweaty feeling and smell. Ick. I like that I'm female and we just don't seem to get that super gross smelling sweat guys get, but still. Plus I'm going over to G.'s tonight and won't have time to shower later so it was imperative today that I do that. Just in case, you know. LOL

I don't know that it's my place to tell you this so please don't tell anyone else, but I know S. would tell you himself if you asked him (I think he would, anyway) ... he and S. broke up. He apparently started the talk but the feeling was supposedly mutual. She is leaving by Jan 1st .. so she's still living at the house until then. Talk about uncomfortable .. good Lord. I would be psychotic if it were me and the ex was still living there, good break or not. All I can say is, I'm personally extremely happy not to have to spend one more holiday with her around. I just don't see it and never did. And I'm grateful as HELL there's a chance that he can meet someone else that I might actually ENJOY being around. This breakup happened in the last 2 weeks I think. Dad asked one day and S. told him about it - and then last Thurs when S. called me to check in about Dad's chemo he left it on my voicemail in a whirlwind statement with no details. I was going to turn around and email it to you but I felt that it was a little childish to turn his disappointment into a game on my part. If it were reversed or if it was someone I'd liked, I certainly wouldn't have felt that way. I just needed to give the situation a little more respect and not take it on as my drama. I like to do that, anyway. I didn't know if you'd talk to S. or not but I figured I'd at least give him a chance to tell you himself. I don't feel like I'm gossiping this time because you basically brought it up. I hope you don't feel somehow slighted that I didn't tell you before - it really wasn't my story to share with anyone, and you know him separate from me so I thought you might talk to him. Anyway, enough about that. I guess he's doing okay with it. I am quite sure we'll talk about it more on Thursday.

Okay I gotta get to work too. I am going to run out of here early again (you know me) and I'm thinking 4:00 but it might not be until 4:30. If I have mail to send I'll leave at 4 but so far the film to send out isn't ready yet. I'll be here for a bit if you wanna email some more stuff :)


Sent: Mon 11/21/2005 3:11 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Groany Monday

I will tell you whatever S. tells me on Thursday. I'm sure he will be totally politically correct about it. If there is one thing (and maybe just about one thing only) I totally respect to the core about my brother, he never speaks poorly about exes. Never. He may say less-than-flattering things but he's never done so without the explanations or the excuses to make it sound like there was a reason they were like that (I'm thinking of that one that was OUT THERE ...) anyway, I think it's very precious in him that he protects them that way. He won't let me say things and he won't let Dad either - he'll stick up for them, even after the break-up. To me, that's rare, and a charming sweet quality that totally reminds me of when we saw G. & his wife at that book signing. I wonder if the whole break-up will have to do with her drinking at all ... it really seemed like she was a heavy drinker and I always wondered if it bothered him. Especially at her birthday party -- good LORD she was louder than anyone in the damn restaurant.

Okay enough about HER! I'll let you know the shpeal when I know.

I will definitely try to email you stuff to your Yahoo account this week in case you get access to a computer. I will also have my cell and if you get panicky you can call me :) no sense feeling cut off from the world when you've got cell access!! :)

I do hope you have a good trip. Travel safe, think good thoughts on the plane and know that nothing bad is going to happen to you. You're in a good place in your head and your heart so you definitely have much to come back safe TO. Just keep that in mind. I hear you about stressing, but you just have to think good stuff. It's the only way. I like to get a juicy mag or book too (easy to do with Nora Roberts, in case you're stuck) and my walkman and just pretend I'm somewhere else, waiting for the man I'm involved with. Try that ;)

Have a great Thanksgiving too if I don't talk to you before that, enjoy that sunshine and them loud screaming kids you love so much. I say to hell with Auntie Flow (I have never heard that before and LOVED it!!) and wear the hot swim suit - it ain't gonna matter!! Besides it will make you feel sexy and that's worth a lot.

You mean a lot to me too, LKK. You're on my Gratitude List for sure and I love you very very much :)

LS

Subject: Did someone order some spicy Italian? ;-)

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 21:58:43
To: E.
From: L.

Hi there super stud,

Hope you were able to relax today and that the next couple of days get you all readjusted to your old schedule. Working those nights was a killer.

As usual, I had a blast with you this weekend. I'm sore in all the right places, thank you very much. ;-) You definitely know how to encourage the dirty girl in me. hee hee.

Here is the flight information for next Saturday. Looks like it won't be too late of a flight. That would be really cool if you're able to pick me up. Will you let me know?

> November 26 2005>
Alaska Airlines ### >
Depart: Burbank, CA at 5:55 PM>
Arrive: Seattle, WA at 8:30 PM>

You'd think I would learn by now not to watch plane crash stuff right before I fly. I was watching an episode of ER that I had TiVo'd and, wouldn't you know it, there's a big ass plane crash (the plane fell apart during take-off). Oh joy. :-p

On a more pleasant note... How about those Seahawks?!?! 8 and 2? Do you think this could be the year? And your Bears kicked some bootay today too. Today was a good day for football.

I've attached the photo I took of you at S.'s condo. I'll be interested to hear what you think.

Okay, Sugar Ray, it's back to the mats for me. I've been doing laundry, organizing, packing a little but still have too much to do. I'm not too worried, it will all get done.

Have a great day today, and know that there's someone who's getting wet just thinking about how your cock feels when I sit on it... mmmm

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. ;-)

Kisses
L.

Subject: hey, your a fine peice

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 17:39:05
To: L.
From: E.

How did your day go?

I made it to that tax class, just not the hole thing. I figured that I should leave instead of fall asleep in there.

Got home and then could not sleep. The city is doing construction on the street RIGHT FUCKEN in front of my place. O FUCKEN JOY.

I did get some rest. I am cleaning and doing laundry tohight.

I was going to tell T. I did not want to work. But he comes at me like .. I need your help! So I am meeting him at 7am. I totally forgot that I told my friends kid that I would come to her birthday party. J.'s little girl is turning 4, : ) I also forgot that I invited my other friends kid. The people who own the condo I'm trying to sell. There little gurl is 7.

So with all that .... What time are you wanting to go to your friends house to PARTY? What does the party do for our sex life after the party?

The lil party should be over like 6:30/7.

Tell me something I got up this morning thinking about you straddling my face. My hard cock in your mouth. Me tounge fucken your hole. Yeah I had to do somethin about that.

Later, pretty kitty

Subject: Well at least, TGIF :)

Sent: Fri 11/18/2005 11:13 AM
From: LS
Subject: Well at least, TGIF :)

Okay so the day has taken off again with me dragging behind .. not enough time to write you a novel again today & I feel bad cuz I know from my side of things, how much I enjoy reading what you have to say. Hopefully you have enough stuff to do that you aren't missing it too badly.

I was re-reading stuff from Monday on and trying to figure out where to start on what I think about what .. I'm gonna just dive into the G. thing and ask you what you ended up deciding to do about that. I was conflicted .. part of me thought it wouldn't hurt to meet him but then you know that could always lead to trouble - so the other part of me thought, why go and risk unbalancing something you enjoy (with E.)? Either way as always I will love you no matter what you decide, and be happy to hear whatever you choose to do.

So tomorrow is Saturday and you will get to see him again, right? That's cool. I am such a schedules person, I like the idea of knowing when I'll be seeing the most important man in my life. It's fun to think about, makes me kinda giddy inside. I don't really have that right now, and I miss it, but I hope you feel like that. I know you don't like the "leaving" part, and I can totally relate to all that emotion on the way home. I used to feel like that when I'd go spend the weekend at J.'s place .. almost like a retreat from your own world and especially if the visit is a good one, it makes it a fun vacation -- and those are hard to leave behind to go back to the mundane details of the regular day-to-day life. I hear you on that.

The G-man is still over-scheduling his weekends with the guys so I won't be seeing him at all this weekend. Then comes the holiday and he is leaving Wed right after school for Cali so looks to me like I won't see him for about 2 weeks. Yeah I'm peeved with it .. bordering pissed off .. but then again, it's his choice. That frees me up to do whatever the heck I want to do -- I've been trying to make something happen on Match or Yahoo but the responses I'm getting haven't been really turning my crank. I put up new pics from the wedding that A. took that I thought were pretty dang good of me, and kind of expected some kinda response surge, but there hasn't been one. Perhaps I've just said "not interested" to too many guys ... maybe I need to start looking for another site with fresh meat!! LOL

I started back at the gym with a trainer, did I tell you that on my message last night? I feel like I did, but maybe I didn't say it .. anyway it's with that trainer I had way back, so I'll be working out Mon/Wed at lunch with him and the lunch group he's got. I'm going to scale back my Bailine's to 1x a week and then do cardio 1-2+ times a week. I always say this, but I'm always better emotionally when I'm taking care of myself physically. God knows why, when I KNOW this, I let it slide back to laziness and feeling sorry for myself. I guess we all bear our own crosses :)
Anyway that's all I got for now. I know it's a sad sack update but I've got so much to do yet today and I want to sneak out of here by 4-4:30 for sure. I left at 6:30 last night from staying late and that took ages to get home .. I want the easier, softer commute tonight if there is such a thing :)

So how is your Friday treating you? Okay, I hope?

"Are You Naked?" Message Thread

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 13:33:09
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Are You Naked?

'Cause I am.

Let's be naked together.

I wanna be naked with you on Saturday night.

Does that work for you?

L.


Wed, 16 Nov 2005 20:48:10
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Re: Are You Naked?'

I wanna be nake with you Saturday night.

I am sitting here naked right now. I am sooo horney. I am going to a porn site to play with myself, hehe

Got a lil action on the condo.

bye

e.

"I was cleaning out my desk..." Message Thread

Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 2:39 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

Preaching to da' choir sista. :-)

You know you didn't comment on my Terbie photo... (and I'm acknowledging that you're buried) but I thought you wouldn't let that one pass. ;-)


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 3:15 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

MAN I saw the attachment and was so totally excited to get a picture of my Terbie man -- but the pic is totally a silhouette of him against the colors outside or whatever they were as I could see it .. I don't even know what he's doing :( Of COURSE you know I would have had something to say about it ... I was going to tell you it didn't come thru and then I didn't .. lol


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 3:18 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

I was gonna say...... ;-)

Well, that's a bummer that it was too dark for you to see. It is a darker picture (I was usually natural light, and the light was behind him) but it's pretty clear when I look at it on my computer. I adjusted the brightness a little. And have re-attached.

So far he's a hit here at the office. lol Now I just have to keep him from coming in or I'll lose him to H. ALL the guys like H...


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 3:23 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

Does he look kinda like Ty Pennington or is it just me?

I know he's hot, I can't imagine you with a hot guy ... I just wish I could really SEE him cuz you know I've been on the cheering squad a long time and don't even know who I'm cheering for LOL Don't worry bout H. sweet thing.

He likes YOU .. besides, how the hell is she gonna get her claws on him LOL

I'll shoot her :D


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 3:27 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

Did you mean to say, "I can't imagine you NOT being with a hot guy?" :-) Just want to make sure I'm getting the message straight, since I take so much ribbing from my good friends about only liking the pretty boys. :-)

I have some better photos at home (as in, more see-able). I took them over the weekend while he was shaving. lol He did not know I was taking the pic that I sent you. I was sneaking pictures of him while he was doing some real estate stuff. I actually prefer photos of him when he is not posing. He does have a great smile, don't get me wrong, but I like it when he's not trying so hard. If that makes sense.

His hair looks a little like Ty Pennington. E. actually resembles Val Kilmer a little. Particularly in the lips. :-D

Thank you for coming to my rescue, LS. I don't stand a chance in the flirt department when it comes to H. She's got that one aced.

Sigh.


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 3:42 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: I was cleaning out my desk...

Oh GOD .. see what happens when I try to do 2 things at the same time .. yes, of COURSE I meant, I can't imagine you NOT being with a hot guy LOL ... wrong moment to slip up a word, I'm sorry LOL

We'll catch up tomorrow, my dad will be gone and I am sure it will slow down around here .. I'll make it up to you ;)

"Another crazy Monday" Message Thread Part II

Sent: Tue 11/15/2005 4:18 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Another crazy Monday

Well I can't say "wow" to your novel because you said it to me about my Friday night story, so I guess the best I can do is tell you, with eyebrows super-raised, "oh, my, God" ... LOL ... your big emails are so chock-full of details, I always feel like I was almost there with you :) Thanks for putting so dang much time into that for me. No, really, you haven't said you appreciate me -- but in that "I know you" sort of way, you do it all the time, especially when you make an effort to really include me. So, thank you too for that, and for making me feel special.

I would welcome talking to you about all the stuff you wrote but I know you are leaving soon if you didn't already, and I'd rather have a little bit back to you before you go. I'm glad writing it all out helps you to wade thru the muck in your head. You know I always "get it", exactly.

I am meeting with my sponsor tonight and after a flash dinner we are going to a meeting so I won't be home until later, maybe 9 or so. I'll admit to the idea that's playing in my head of going over to see G. after that for more of that STUFF from last week.

I will think about what you asked me, about how I'm doing with it all, and try to get you a response by tomorrow morning. I have a lot of ideas, questions, responses, feelings and fears, as I'm sure you can imagine. I think it's all one big mind game on my part telling myself that I can handle this. I have a lot of fear of the meltdown that could easily take place when my wall of denial crumbles.

Okay so, thank you again for the great story and I'm so happy y'all got to spend some quality time and quantity time together. That's great no matter how you look at it, and I think you can admit that as well.

Have a good session with LD and I'll talk to you soon, darlin.

I love you :)

L


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 10:06 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Another crazy Monday

:-) Thanks for being so good to me.

I hope you had a great night last night. I decided not to call when it took me so long to get home from the gym (around 9:00) and then try to scrounge some chow. I just hunkered down and tried to relax.

My sessions with LD dredge up alot of stuff most of the time and I was pretty emotional for most of the night. The sweating felt good -- to clear some of the residual of all that crying. Today I'm not quite so emotional -- not quite -- but I'm pretty ticked off. I'm thinking it's along the lines of the SNS you tell me about. :-)

How are you doing? Are you composing your response novel? :-)

I attached the picture of E. I took on Monday. I don't know what it is about the picture, but I really like it. I'm curious to hear your impressions.

Look forward to hearing from you when you get the chance...


Sent: Wed 11/16/2005 10:17 AM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Another crazy Monday

I'm sorry, due to my own stupidity and total lack of work ethic this week I am now under extreme crisis to get the payroll stuff done & transferred by this afternoon .. I'll have to put you on hold & I apologize for that. I need to really hunker down again and get my head straight about what exactly it is that I am supposed to DO at work LOL

Anyway, I'm glad you're better today. I'm sorry that your therapy is so physically difficult for you but I have to believe that it's good to dredge all that gunk up and try to sift thru and eliminate the waste .. sounds like a porta potty LOL .. I suppose it's probably not all that far off from that when you think about it. I am almost envious though because I know that whatever is in MY pit keeps me from being the Angelina type of girl I want to be. I suspect the same goes for you - so, give yourself a sweet pat on the back, you are doing super tough work that a lot of people (me included) shy away from. I'm very proud of you :)

I'm sorry to hear you've got SNS. Not a pretty picture .. that sucks. However, it IS Wed already and that in my book is worth at least a secret nudge to a good day. Not that I have anything mammoth going on really (although this was to be the Cali boy's weekend and that ain't happenin' anymore) but, I do like the time off. You know that's funny because the weekends really are what screw up my head!! Isn't that strange.

Okay I NEED to get back at it. I'm SO SORRY :(

Forgive me & I promise to get something working for you ASAP.
I'm thinking about you!

XOXO

Blog Posting: "Questions for E."

Dear E.,

If I had the balls, I would ask you the following questions:

Am I your girlfriend?

Do you think I'm pretty?

Why is your profile still active?

Are you dating anyone else?

Are you sleeping with anyone else?

Do you like me?

Do you more than like me?

Are you just killing time with me until something better comes along?

Why is your profile still active?

What do you want from me?

I don't know why I can't ask you some of these questions. Do I even want the answers? Why does it matter?

I want to believe that I am lovable.

Dear, E... Why don't you sign off our e-mails with "kisses" or "muah" or "think about me"?

What's up with the simple, "bye?"Jesus, that hurts.

"Another Crazy Monday" Letter to LS

Saturday I was still in minor slug mode, although I did get up and work out in the late morning. I left a message for B. to see if he wanted me to come by before I headed out to my workout, but I actually never heard from him all weekend. Saturday was a milestone in that it was the first time in all my weeks of dating E. that I had enough patience or "whatever-ness" to wait for him to call me, rather than calling him first when I haven’t heard from him all day to set up the going-over-to-his-place time. He called me around 5:00 and I was just chilling watching my TiVo’d program (a show called Numbers that’s on Friday nights). I was so chill I even left late to drive down there, taking my own sweet time. LOL I don't know if he noticed or not -- he just seemed happy to see me.

This was a weekend of mucho "getting busy" – way more than usual. Not that I’m complaining in the least. I even got my requisite spooning and body parts staying in contact all night. Sunday morning “we” had real estate stuff to take care of before the game. We met his best friend’s wife, S., at her grandmother’s condo that E. is listing for her. So it was cool that I met one of the most important people in his life (aside from family) and got the approval of "she's cute" from S. (he told me later in the car.) I was working my killer smile to it’s fullest. ;-)

We didn’t have time to take photos of the condo (the “me” part of the “we” equation) before we left for the game, so we set up a time for me to meet him at the condo on Monday before my dentist appointment. Surprisingly, he remembered I had the day off, AND that I had an appointment. LOL

On the way to the game we stopped at a 7-Eleven store to pick up an energy drink. E. tried to pay with a $100 bill (that’s how he was paid for his off-the-books work Saturday morning) but the clerk gave him a hard time about not being able to make change for his $100 bill. E. came back to the car pretty ticked off. I gave E. the $3 he needed to buy his energy drink, which he did. When he returned to the car he was still grumbling about the clerk being an ass and then he recounted what he said to the clerk, "Why’d you have to give me such a hard time? I had to get my girlfriend to give me money for this drink because you wouldn't crack my $100." Hmmm. Girlfriend? He used the girlfriend word…

Not only that, but when he introduced me to S., he didn’t say, “This is my FRIEND L.” He just said, “this is L.” That friend label is a killer, ya know what I mean?

The game was fun. We were late and he kept checking with me to see if I was stressing about being late. I wasn't too worried, remember, I've done games with B., I'm cool. ;-) We spent the first half of the game finding a parking spot, then walking around the stadium (this was the first time he'd ever been there). He bought himself a Seahawks beanie hat (and we won’t EVEN go into how long and how many souvenir stands we had to stop at to get just the right one…), and we grabbed some grub before we hit our seats. We were able to watch the whole 2nd half of the game. It got cold and did start to rain for most of the 2nd half, but it was still fun. He was yelling and screaming and having a great time. The game was a good one. I'm so happy the Seahawks won. That was pretty much a test game for them. They have a history of becoming complacent when they win too many games in a row. So it was really cool that they played so well.

We went back to his place after the game and fooled around. I left E.'s place about 7:30, and I didn't have as bad of a time leaving as I usually do, but I had tears on the way home. I wish I knew where that comes from. I mean, I even knew I was seeing him Monday morning to take the pictures of the condo we didn't have time to on Sunday before the game. To combat the woobies, I rented a couple of movies to try to distract myself. One was that third Star Wars movie, Revenge of the Sith. I only made it through half of the movie before falling asleep. Which is funny because I haven't been able to stay awake through even one of the three pre-quel movies. LOL

The original plan for Monday morning was to meet at the condo at 11:00. While I was driving toward West Seattle, I saw that he had called me. The first thing that went through my mind was, “Oh shit, don’t tell me he’s canceling on me…” Nope, he was just thinking we could meet at the Park and Ride in Bellevue and drive together.

Why do I always jump to the worst possible negative conclusion?

When he arrived at the park and ride, he was absolutely exhausted. He always looks good in his real estate garb, :-) but he looked like he was hanging on by a thread. (He's working the 11 - 5:00 a.m. shift again this week). We stopped off to get some food in him (he's like me, if he doesn't eat at certain intervals, he's a mess) and he didn't have money to pay. I told him I would treat him -- he was concerned I thought he did it on purpose. I assured him that I WANTED to treat him. Frankly, I could care less who pays what for when. He paid for everything at the Seahawks game and the night before when we had Thai food. I don't like the whole keeping score scenarios. Isn't it weird -- the whole "getting to know you" process when it has to unfold through real life experiences versus scores of e-mails or phone calls?

Anyhoooo.....

We got him some good solid protein and arrived at the condo where I proceeded to take pictures while he continued to fill out paperwork. He is really sweating that he’s going to leave something out or miss an important step. He's a perfectionist, and this condo listing is for his very best friends in the world. He wants everything to go right for them and that translates into him doing everything perfectly. That starts me stressing about doing a good job with the picture taking in HIS eyes. This is one of the first times I’ve actually had to prove myself. And I’ve got the spectre of him “REALLY respecting the business mind” of his ex-girlfriend. Agh. You know where I’m coming from, I’m sure.

The lighting in the condo made it difficult to capture the rooms without glare and shadows. The sun really interfered, primarily because of the its position in the sky with respect to the condo's location. But he was happy with a few of my shots when he previewed them in my camera’s viewfinder. It's hard to capture a whole room when the rooms are small. I also snapped some pics of him while he was working (I don't think he knew I was doing it) and I have one that I really like. It's not entirely in focus, but the blurred background and intent look on his face is kinda cool. :-)

While he was filling out forms, he noticed that one needed S.'s signature. He started worrying out loud about whether she had to sign it before he could put it into the computer (in other words, delay the listing by a day). Then he started making noises about not being good about thinking under pressure, and wondering what other mistakes he could be making. Cheerleader that I am, I reminded him that he had basically been awake the last 24 hours, having been to the Seahawks game and working and such, and that he should cut himself a break. That seemed to help him a bit.

As we were packing up to leave, he asked me to drive (that's when I found out he had actually wanted me to drive us over there in the first place -- in his car.) I don't like to drive other people's cars. I admitted that to him, but said I would. And that I'd be nervous about it. He teased me a little bit of a hard time about me being nervous about some stuff. The thing is, I get nervous about things like driving other people’s cars because I am just as much of a perfectionist as he is. I don’t want anything to go wrong. Because, if it does, not only will I look stupid (which is a freaking mortification in my book), I also risk damaging someone else’s property because of my stupidity or clutziness.

I figure we're even on the whole perfectionist stress-case thing, don’t you?

The original plan was for us both to go back to the real estate office, upload the photos and then I would help him enter the listing information in the computer. When I told him I type 80 words a minute on the way to the condo, he was genuinely impressed. He also said that while we were in the office he would talk me up to the other agents. Suggesting that they could use my services to take photos for their listings, blah blah blah (all this before he even saw my photos – which was sweet that he had some blind faith in my ability.)

Well, it didn't work out that way because he was just too tired to think. He actually slept most of the way back to the park and ride (so, see, I drove just fine – once again proving that I worry about shit for nothing). We dropped me off at my car and he thanked me for taking time out of my day off to help him out. Rather than say my usual, "it was nothing, I was glad to," etc. etc. etc. I said, "You're welcome." and then added, "I’m happy to make time for you." That seemed to kind of catch him off guard a bit -- in a good way, I think. Like maybe other people haven’t or wouldn't or something. I don't know. That was my impression.

I got a good-bye kiss without asking for one. Oh that’s right, I didn’t tell you about not getting one when we first met up at the park and ride. I got nothing. He was slouched in his seat looking all "I'm too cool.” I realized later that it was more of an "I'm too exhausted to move" slouch when he told me he had actually hoped I would drive us in his car to the condo. I stewed a bit when I first got in the car and then forced myself to ASK for a kiss in the Safeway parking lot. Which he planted on me, but not without adding a little, "You want a kiss?" Sort of like an, "Oh do you..." if that makes sense. All I know is that I felt silly having to ask for one. I didn't have to ask for the good-bye kiss. That one came at me naturally. But then, he also had a little food on board when we parted, while he was nearly incapacitated when we first met up.

We parted ways about 45 minutes earlier than I planned (I thought I would be going directly to my dentist appointment from our picture taking excursion) which left me let down a bit. I was looking forward to showing off at the office and also hoping to squeeze out a little more time with him (I was doing the whole, should-I-or-shouldn’t-I-ask about the weekend dance in my head). I ended up going home to upload the photos out of my camera before I had to jet off to the dentist. I was able to do some editing, but not enough to be able to e-mail him the pictures. I wanted to do my part of helping him get that listing up fast.

My appointment didn't take the full two hours that was originally predicted – even with the whole insurance haggling that went on. I had a bit more time available to me before I had to work out with P., so I snuck in a mani/pedi lip wax -- something I was sweating getting taken care of before I head out of town to California next Tuesday morning. Here’s where the story gets interesting. (Well, that all depends on your view, I suppose…)

While on the way to the nail salon, I got a call from this guy named G. G. is someone who I had run the whole E-Harmony gauntlet with over the last two weeks. I forgot to tell E-Harmony to stop sending me matches (when I turned all my profiles off) because I get so few matches. G. is a really attractive (tall, dark and handsome) 35 year old who lives in South Tacoma (ugh) He had sent me an e-mail on Friday to let me know he was tied up with work and that he would call me on Monday (yesterday). I didn't expect it would be at 3:30! My mouth was still numb, so I let the call go to voice mail. I listened to it right away (of course!) and he had a pretty good voice -- always a pre-requisite.

So, I get my nails done and have a little bit of time before I was going to meet up with P. for my training. I finished editing the condo pictures and sent them off to E. in two e-mails so that they wouldn’t take so long to upload and download. I added a little cheerleading paragraph to the e-mail to tell him what a great job I think he's doing with this condo listing -- trying to stoke up his self confidence. I signed off with my usual, "thinking about you" because that's what we do most of the time. I wanted the pics to be ready for him when he woke up. I was hoping that I would have a nice e-mail or phone call to greet me when I returned from my workout.

When I got back to my place there was no e-mail or phone call. I wasn’t TOTALLY disappointed because it was still only 8:45 and I didn’t expect him (rationally) to wake up until 9:00 or so. I decided to call G. back and we had to play a little “I need to call you back” before we got the opportunity to chat at about 9:30.

His story is that he had just started E-Harmony the week we were matched up, so I'm his first experience. He would really like to meet up for a drink and /or dinner... whatever I'm comfortable with. And the only day we can really do that, between our two schedules, is Saturday night. He works at the Men's Warehouse in Southcenter and that's the day he gets off at 6:00. He suggested meeting at 7:00, somewhere halfway between the two of us.

You know, I’m curious to meet him, but I was squirrelly about agreeing to Saturday. We left it at an I’ll call him back later this week to let him know if it’s a go or not. My excuse was that I would be getting my pictures taken by a friend of a friend who is trying to become a professional photographer (B.’s friend D.) and that Saturday is the day we've scheduled and I didn't know yet what time he would be booking studio time. This is all true, but I’m expecting to get the pictures taken during the day.

The total truth, and my dilemma is that I will be leaving for California on Tuesday morning. I won't be back until Saturday night, like about 9:00. Saturday nights are something of a standing date with E. -- although sometimes they seem to be pulled together at the last moment (which is so NOT pink book, I realize, and it bugs me at gut level). If I do not see E. this Saturday, it could be at least two weeks, going on three before we would be together again. This is a big deal to me. I'm guessing it would be a big deal to him, if he actually had enough brain cells left to recognize the logistical scenario. But he's not seeing much beyond this condo listing and when he has to work (which is that ugly night shift for the rest of this week at least.) He isn’t sleeping much because he's thinking about the condo listing and worrying if he missed out on doing something he has to do.

I am usually the one who pins down the Saturday doings. But this time I DO NOT want to be the one who chases down a get together. I want it to be important enough to him to say something. I just don't trust that it’s on his radar enough to break through the fog. I’m feeling a bit taken for granted. I say this because of his not putting his hand on my thigh when we’re driving or sitting together to watch a movie. (Okay, so he did that last thing briefly this weekend, but for the most part, it’s not there). Lately he’s been signing off his e-mails with a simple “bye” when before it was, “think about me” or “I’m thinking about you” or even better “Kisses.”

I worked hard to send E. the nicely edited and re-sized digital photos so that when he woke up they would be waiting for him. After I spoke with G. (feeling more than a bit guilty I might add) I get back an e-mail just before 10:00 p.m. saying "The pictures are great! Thanks again." (ooh, an actual exclamation point!). Then he goes on to say that he didn't sleep very well. That he woke up after about five hours feeling like he needed to be doing something (he didn't know what that something was supposed to be) and that he couldn't go back to sleep. To close the e-mail I get a "Thanks again. Bye."

Okay. Now I admit that I am totally sensi-poo right now. Looking, grasping for "signs" of anything, whether good or bad. But, bye?

I’m learning not to EXPECT gushy verbiage. I didn't do the photos to put points in my E. bank, and have him owe me something in return. I did HOPE that I would get some acknowledgement that told me he was thinking about me, or even better the "kisses" closing. It's sporadic at best. I am left, in my sensi-poo state, feeling like we've been dating (or, even worse, married) for two years or something.

Here I am, seemingly getting the "girlfriend" signs and I'm feeling crappier than crappy. Do I want to accept someone who isn't gushy or demonstrative or good with words when it comes to expressing his emotions? I finally have an honest person -- someone who doesn't hide stuff from me and lets me know what's going on for him. Yet I don’t know if it’s and when it’s okay to hold hands. I wonder if he will ever feel comfortable asking me for something "risky" to his heart? I wonder if these are reasonable questions to ask at this point, or am I just making drama for myself because I don't seem to be able to be comfortable with an actual relationship?

I mean, I have not stated what I want to him. I have not asked about the hand holding thing. I have not asked about the monogamy thing. I have not asked about the exclusive dating thing. All that I HAVE done is assumed and presumed and speculated about shit I "think" he's doing and "think" he's thinking and then I make up stories in my head that, of course, are the absolute WORST case scenario.

Here I am, in the place that I really didn’t want to be, expecting him to read my mind; or for him to start the conversations and ask the risky questions. Yeah, right, like I have evidence that he would take that risky step? And yet, here I am, not willing to ask the questions that I want answers to. I’m sitting here having a temper tantrum that is reflective of the hurt little girl inside me, and not the grown-up woman I want to be. I'm just spinning my wheels and getting upset about stuff that I am filling in the blanks with.

What exactly am I afraid of? Here I am, busting his chops (behind his back!) about not risking his feelings by telling me what he wants from me (except sexually, he seems to be a little more confident with that). I’m afraid my questions might "frighten" him away or make me appear weak. In my rational mind I understand that if my questions do scare him away, then this is not the right situation for me. And, worse yet, if I don't get the answers I want, I’ll have to end the relationship.

The hurt and frustrated part of me wants to just say yes to G. and then E. can just face the consequences of not asking for my time. That same part of me thinks that I need to not call him and not e-mail him -- to leave it totally up to him to contact me. Whether he contacts me or not will speak volumes to me on where I stand in the priority level. I see that that course of action is also a form of temper tantrum. It’s certainly not very grown up, and it’s more likely to result in me being hurt than him.

I guess, what is underlying my hurt and frustration is that, at its core, it’s really all about me. It's my garbage. My interpretation of his actions/words/inactions. My skewed (from previous experiences) perception of the reality of the situation.

By just letting things be, I am getting some of the things I've wanted all along. To be introduced to his friends. To be involved in some of his real estate doings (I love to be a support system). To hear him actually use the word girlfriend. To have him introduce me to S. not as his "friend" L. But simply as L. (not being relegated to just the friends category).

Holy crap this is a whole lot of brain dump. Sorry. :-(

I know this would have been better said over the phone or in person, I just don't know when I can get to that. lol

Which brings me back to G. The reason he didn’t call me until Monday is that he wanted to give me his full attention on a fresh mind. After working a long day (opening and closing the store) he just doesn’t have much left over to give socially and he didn’t think he would make a good first impression if he started snoring during our first phone conversation. Can you say red flags on the availability scale as well as the likelihood of me getting, “how are you doing/thinking about you” phone calls during the week? Not to mention he lives all the way down in freaking SOUTH Tacoma. Sigh. What am I doing even thinking about going out with G.?

Okay, I’m going to shut this freight train down. Bottom line, I’m feeling at odds right now with myself, what I want, and what is real. I don’t trust my skewed view of my “relationship” with E. I have nigglies that I don’t know if they are true, gut-level nigglies, or they’re the destructive, I don’t deserve a relationship sabotage.

It’s a good thing I’m meeting with LD in an hour.

Thank you so much for allowing me to write this all out. I do feel a lot better than I did when I started it. I actually went back and re-read and re-wrote a lot of it. I’m seeing some things in a much more charitable light than I first saw them in.

I don’t know if I’m looking for permission to be the organizer for this weekend – to get my face time. Or if I’m looking for someone to agree with me to just hold out and leave it to him to contact me. Sigh.

Thanks again for being my good friend. I know you struggle with this same stuff. It’s so hard to know what is real and what is fantasy.

Did I let you know I appreciate you recently? :-)

Love ya!

LKK

"Another Crazy Monday" Part I of Message Thread

Sent: Mon 11/14/2005 10:29 AM
From: LS
Subject: Another crazy Monday

Hey there!

I was gonna call you Sat AM to check in but wasn't sure what time you were heading out and figured I'd just wait. How was your weekend? Did you guys have fun? Yesterday was a rough day for weather ... I hope you lived thru it and maybe even enjoyed yourselves!

Much of my weekend was way low-key. Yesterday I didn't do ANYTHING. Except brush my teeth and feed the dog LOL .. I couch potatoed like nobody's business. Sat I did a lot of stuff, running around here & there and doing a lot of laundry in between. Friday night I went over to G.'s for dinner and we watched The Wedding Date. We gone with all that around 8:30 I think and then all my plans to stay strong went out the window after he talked me into "trusting him" .. he lit candles, put some low music on and gave me the body massage of my entire life. I think it must have been an hour, really. Entire back then front, then a lot of massaging of another lower, smaller location which of course, made having sex a moot point, so I did and it was feverish and exciting and I cried .. I left shortly afterwards because I just had to. I am doing my very best work NOT to think about it all, why he did that and what he was thinking and what I should do about it. I am going to just go along with whatever happens and continue surfing the websites I'm on and just .... let myself get all messed up, probably :-) Talked to him yesterday for awhile and this morning he called me and I guess we might get together Wed or Thurs.

You know I'm gonna really get messed up with this. Why am I so nuts?!?! I need to listen to my books on tape again, obviously.

Anyway as days go, today I'm having a good one but I'm pretty busy working on payroll reports and that kinda thing for this week. Tell me how your weekend went when you get a chance!


Sent: Tue 11/15/2005 1:57 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Another crazy Monday

Hi, Linda,

Hey, sorry about not being around to answer yesterday. I had a four-day weekend. :-) Not that you need to be envious of my day off yesterday though. I spent alot of it in the dentist chair getting fillings that I will have to pay in full for, since my dental insurance limit was already reached with my prior appointment. My dentist was pretty cool though. They had made a miscalculation of what was left on my insurace based on an assumption (i.e. what most people who have WDS insurance have) and thought I wouldn't be "in the pocket" for the full amount. So what was cool was that my dentist didn't charge me for two of the fillings. I still owe $665 though. Some merry Christmas, huh?

Wow. That's about all I'm able to say about your Friday night. Wow in both a good way and with worry for you. But... Wow. How are you feeling today about this whole thing?

Well, as you know from our phone conversation, my Friday was much like your Sunday. And that was good in my book. I haven't had a day like that where I actually CRAVED the downtime. I've been so uncomfortable in my own space lately that it was pretty cool to channel a little of my inner slug.

Because the rest of this turned out to be of "War and Peace" proportions, I have attached it in a Word Document. Happy reading... :-)

Subject: Round Two

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:43:12
To: E.
From: L.

Hey again!

Here are the other shots. Hope they turned out okay for you. Let me know if we need to redo anything.

Talk with you soon...

L.

"Wakey Wakey :-)" Message Thread

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:40:14
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Wakey Wakey :-)

Hi, E,

I hope you were able to get some good sleep. You looked so tired this morning -- still stylin', but tired. :-)

I am going to send the pictures in two e-mails to have them download faster for you. This e-mail will have the main shots you picked. The next e-mail will have the shots of the extra rooms that you may want to use now or later -- or if you have anyone e-mail you for more.

I wanted to let you know that I think you're doing a great job with this. You're working really hard, being thorough and professional with S. and her mom, and you're great about asking questions to get all the information you can to best represent your listing. All that and being sleep-deprived to boot. You rock!

Okay, here are the pics...

Thinkin' about ya...

L.

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 21:46:50
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Re: Wakey Wakey :-)

hey l., thoses pictures are great! thanks again.

i got like 5hours of sleep. I could not go back to sleep. i felt that there was something I needed to do or get done. Nothing that pressing, just in my head.

thanks again

bye

Subject: I wanna fuck

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 14:06:05
To: L.
From: E.

I can't wait till tonight. I was thinking about the things we are going to do this evening, and my cock was getting hard. I had to play with myself!

Can't wait for the real thing!

like u later

"whatta day" Message Thread

Sent: Thu 11/10/2005 3:36 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: whatta day

You crack me up, LS! Are you going to meet up with the dude?

I'm sorry to hear about the Cali guy. I agree with you on the good thing it happened now versus later. But still, the dalliance was fun, I'm sure. So boohoo on that.

My day's going okay. I'm kinda back in the dumps. My man sent me a very risque e-mail of what we're going to do on Saturday (including some tame stuff that is actually cool that he is involving me in -- i.e. real estate stuff -- something I've offered to help on, but he's always deferred...) Anyway. I responded by phone and had to leave a message.

Can you guess why I'm wooby?

He didn't return the call. Grrrrr. I hate that. I know he will, I don't doubt that. It's just the whole not calling back on the same day thing that puts my nose out of joint. Sigh.

Other than that, I'm really busy on a busy-work sort of project, but it will be helping out one of my co-workers big-time. So I'm always happy about that. I like to make people feel good, that's for sure! :-)

I'm wanting Terbie to call me soon. We had an "up in the air" possibility of getting together before he goes to work tonight. So I'm sending all my "call me call me call me" vibes his way. :-) Like you, I'm in THE MOOD for some SERIOUS extra curricular activities. And I really don't want to wait until Saturday. I want my immediate gratification!!!!! :-)

LOL

Thank you for writing, by the way. I appreciate that. I've had my head down for way too long now! :-)

Oh, and I want to remind you that I won't be here Friday. It's Veteran's day, so I'll be off. Are you working tomorrow? What are your plans for the weekend?

I pushed up my appointment with P. to 10:00 tomorrow morning. So that way I'll have my day free. I'm thinking of going to see B. up in Everett. He had back surgery yesterday, and I'd like to help him out with the kitties and bunnies (he has even more of a menagerie than I do) if I can. If you're not working tomorrow afternoon, do you want to catch a movie or something? Let me know. :-)

Oh, and how is T-dog? Did you have to take her to the vet?

Oh, and lastly, my back is getting much better. I'm hoping to be able to do a leg workout with P. tomorrow.

Okay, that's it for now. What's going on? :-)


Sent: Thu 11/10/2005 3:56 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: whatta day

I am gonna focus all my "call me call me call me" energies to you in hopes that Terbie comes thru for your NEEDS tonight LOL :) .. heck call him & let him know you've got the needs and that you're coming over -- what can he say, no??? :)

You crack me up too LOL

The old man invited me to breakfast Sat morning after a meeting. Mind you I think I'm having "lunch" with G. Sat so I didn't want to have plans to have to hustle out of to get over to see G. so I told D. (the old man) that I couldn't do breakfast but that I would make it to the meeting and be very glad to see him :) A little flirting never hurt anyone .. I hope .. LOL

He may be 55 but he is one HOT old man. I bet he's one of those never-aging guys ;)
You know I'm 1 year younger than his search range .. and of course, he's about 10-12 years older than mine LOL .. should be a nightmare just waiting to happen!!

Despite being dumped for being materialistic I'm having a great afternoon
God knows why, I don't have a good reason LOL .. I reckon it's that I'm relieved because after last night's conversation with the Cali guy I was really getting worked up in a panic about it. Obviously he was too so I'm really glad he said something. I offered to pay my share of the ticket anyway as a token of my materialistic appreciation LOL -- we'll see if he agrees to take my money. I betcha he will want to really badly cuz he doesn't have that much money but he'll think it totally inappropriate and tell me "no" even though it will bite him in the butt. We'll see.

I DO have to work tomorrow, which sucks because I would love to hang with you in the afternoon. I also had made plans with my friend J. to go see the new Zorro flick (that Banderas character boils my blood I tell you, and I think Zeta-Jones is a hottie for a chica too so I'm really all over that blend) but she's got CPS issues with her kid & grandkid (the kid has a lot of mental problems and someone reported her for something, and J. is the grandkid's legal guardian so she now has to take the grandkid away from the kid until CPS figures this mess out ... not good) so she's busting out of our plans. It's shaping up to be another weekend full of plans that never really come to fruition. I think this weekend I'll be taking matters into my own hands and doing some stuff on my own. Heck I gotta take that small fortune of wedding outfits I didn't wear back to Macy's too .. so see, I have things on my plate (can you hear me trying to convince myself of it?) :)

Hmm. Oh, the T-dog is doing just fine I think. Yesterday morning I was starting the "oh god she's really sick" panic cuz she didn't eat breakfast (and hadn't eaten dinner the night before either), but when I got home she was super-excited and hungry, and I think the walk helped a lot. Then I fed her and she ate the whole bowl of food, and she slept well last night. I think we're onto recovery, thank God. Thank you for asking about her :) You're so thoughtful!

A little endorphin rush wouldn't be bad for helping your back and muscles heal faster.
Just a thought!

I'm thinking really really hard for that phone to ring ring ring!!!! ;)


Sent: Thu 11/10/2005 4:18 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: whatta day

Thank you for my good phone vibes. They're not working, but I'm hoping hoping hoping. :-) I would call him, but I'm being a little ornery here. It's his job to return my phone call. (Picture me with my arms crossed).

Oh hell, who ever said I had any dignity. I'll probably call if I haven't heard from him by the time I leave.

Yay, I'm glad to hear that T-dog is back to being her spritely self. That had to be scary for you. I just don't handle sick pets very well. It gets my biggest motherly worries all a dither.

Well, shoot, I'm sorry your "set" plans are changing. But it sounds like you have some good back-ups. My "set" plans are:

Train with P. (Friday)
Stay over night w/E. (Saturday -- not sure who's place)
Seahawks Game (Sunday)
Try not to have a breakdown Sunday night (separation anxiety)
2 hr Dentist Appointment (Monday).

Oh joy! ;-)

Don't offer to pay half the ticket. It was his big idea to come charging up here. And it was his idea that you weren't his type. (Materialistic? Puhleeze). Don't take on his garbage. Okay?

Flirt away Saturday morning. Sounds like a plan. And, here's something controversial... If you don't have "Set" plans with G., go to coffee with the hot old guy. It's not game playing with G., it's called living your life. Guys do it all the time. Just a thought... ;-)

Well, if you're having a need for a little Latin hottie viewing, give me a call. I'm not sure how long I will be at B.’s (if I even go -- don't know if he'll want me there).

Okay, that damn phone better ring soon. It's chapping my hide! ;-)

If I don't talk with ya later, have a great night. And I'm serious about the whole going out thing, okay?

Ciaoza, baby! You know you're the best!


Sent: Thu 11/10/2005 4:28 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: whatta day

I'll give you a call tomorrow after work and we'll touch base on where we're at.

If it works out, it would ROCK to go see that flick with you LOL Thanks for offering to with.

Don't be too ornery, Sunshine.

Think about what you could get all for just a little phone call and arm-un-crossing ;)
I like the idea of throwing the dignity doll out the window LOL I have been thinking more & more about the old man :D

If I don't hear from G. by tomorrow night (and therefore he puts off making plans until the day of said lunch) then I am all about changing over to Mizz Controversial LOL and spending some time with D. What's the harm anyway, right? It's all just dating, I don't owe anybody anything HAHA right .. :)

GOOD LUCK tonight and I'm still thinking the mantra real hard in my head!!

Talk tomorrow!

Love ya!

"Triumphant Return Of Seattle's Rising Soul Superstar" Message Thread

Wed, 9 Nov 2005 08:26:29
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Fwd: Triumphant Return Of Seattle's Rising Soul Superstar

Hey!

Hope your night went well and you're getting some good sleep. :-)

My back is feeling even a little bit better today. Yay!

I've attached an announcemnt for a music show this Saturday night down in Seattle. It's at the Triple Door which is a pretty cool, big, kind of retro venue with Thai food (or we could eat beforehand). I wanted to throw this out to you as an idea for Saturday. I've never heard the musical artist before, but I kinda like that style o' music.

Let me know if you are interested. It's cool if you're not -- we always find interesting ways of entertaining ourselves. ;-)

Have a great day!

Kisses

L.


Wed, 9 Nov 2005 16:48:17
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Re: Triumphant Return Of Seattle's Rising Soul Superstar

Hi, I think that sounds like fun.

Hope your feeling better.

Hey you got a digital camera? I'm gunna need to take pictures of that condo. Maybe Saturday?
Didn't you say you wanted to take some nasty pictures? I would love to get one of you with with my cock in your mouth, that would be hot! Yeah lets do that!

think about other pictures you want to take ... or have U?

e.

"RE: To The People In My Life..." Message Thread

Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 10:27 AM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

:-)

Hump day is much better, thank you! My back is a little better with each day. Yay! I received a "how are you doing today" call last night as well as a firm-up of the plans for this weekend. So now I know the Seahawks game is a done deal and that we're spending the night together Saturday night before the game. He's got to zoom to sign some papers on a condo he's listing for some friends (which is exciting for him, I know he's been chomping at the bit to do real estate stuff -- the real stuff). So he's in a much better place with lots of potentially good things happening for him.

I have to go meet with the Chapter 13 Trustee this afternoon. It's my first review where they decide if I can afford to pay more each month toward the bankruptcy. I'm a little nervous. But I feel pretty good today. Confident. And so glad that my back is getting better (seemingly) quickly. I was worried this would go on for ever.

How are you doing today? What's going on on your side of the Internet? :-)


Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 10:36 AM
From: LS
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

Eh :)

Nothing exciting really. One day closer to next weekend, that's about all I'm really concentrating on right now. I don't even know if Sat lunch will take place or not, it just seems like a BS kinda thing to throw out there from G. I just still think if he wanted to see me (and it's been over 2 weeks now) he'd make the effort to see me. I think this way out there planning thing not only isn't his thing, but it's just a weak-ass throw out to the dogs. Just my
hurt ego opinion :) Who knows what it will be by then.

T-dog won't eat .. she ate some breakfast yesterday but not dinner, and not breakfast today. She's drinking water and last night ate grass which of course made her sick and put her I think on the hunger strike. I just want her to eat ... I'm thinking tonight I'll take her for a short walk, that always fires her up and gets her appetite going. We'll see. If she is still acting weird tomorrow it will be time to call the vet and take her in. I hope I don't have to do that.

I'm glad you're feeling better about things with Terbie :)

That really does make me happy for you and for him. I think you're great and you deserve to be happy!


Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 12:27 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

Ruh Roh. :-( I'm sorry to hear that T-dog's not bouncing back from her stress mess. :-( I hope that the walk tonight sparks up her appetite. It could be a little doggie flu too. Hopefully it is nothing serious. C. likes to give me a wake up call every year. I spend a fortune at the vet. They can't find anything wrong and she just bounces back. Little drama queen. Hopefully T-dog will bounce back quickly.

If you can, try not to get tooooooooo pumped up about next weekend. :-) Yeah, right! I just don't want you to spend a whole bunch of energy thinking on it and hoping on it and building it up to be something that, no matter how great it is, won't live up to the image in your mind. I hope that makes sense. I'm preaching to the choir, I know. Just wanting to get it in print so that you can quote it back to me at some future opportunity. ;-)

As for the G. thingie... Here's how I see it. I think he really does like you and miss you. There are consequences to that that he is now very aware of because you've been great about laying out what you want. Before you did that there was a lot of wiggle room and loosy-goosy loopholes that men like to keep. It's just part of our differences of how the different sexes operate. Yes, it's true he could get a hold of you and ask you to go there earlier. But there are consequences. Guys just aren't good with consequences.

I hope that does your ego a little bit of good. I really don't have any doubt that he likes you and wants to spend time with you and most likely wants it just the way it was. It's not going to be that way for you. You want what you want. He now has to decide if he can operate within those parameters. That will, most likely, take him some serious time to figure out.

Not to get all harsh or anything, but remember the break-up book and the 60-day principle. You cannot just be friends within that 60 day period. The just friends deal is not going to be an option. You know this I think. You know that just spending time in his presence is going to have you constantly wondering, "is he going to make a move?" "Why isn't he making a move?" "What am I going to do if he makes a move?" Where in all that wondering is there you just enjoying the moment for what the moment is? See what I'm saying?

I will support you and love you no matter what or how you choose to proceed with G. He is a special person for you and I would never try to talk you out of those feelings. They're real, they're true and they're big. Just please, please be careful. Treasure yourself. Know what it is that you want. I certainly understand the curiosity of seeing if you can do this, just be friends. Greg and Amira are right though. Being friends with an ex isn't always in the cards, and certainly isn't easy to accomplish -- especially within the 60 days.

Remember what I told you about S. and I. I love him to death, I enjoy spending time with him now and can do it without an ounce of hurt feelings or regrets. But that took at least a year to get to that point. There was a LOT of heartache in between. Be good to you, okay?

Thank you for your continued support with the Terbster. He's a tough one for me. I'm just so animated and exaggerative with my language and style compared to his spare and literal one. This whole being patient thing is for the birds! :-)

I'm off to the bankruptcy trustee's. Wish me luck! I'll write when I get back. I hope that what I said above didn't come across badly. :-( You've been so good at giving me the reason and the rationality when I'm over the top. The above is my attempt to return the favor.

Love ya, girl!


Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 12:47 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

Oh, Honey! You were not too harsh. I appreciate that you are honest with me and point out things you see or think, because I may or may not see that stuff. And I'd really not thought about the 60 days thing, although I remember it. By this weekend it will be almost 3 weeks LOL I guess that's not so close to 60 days, is it. Oh well LOL ... and, really, honest-from-the-heart-edly, I am not interested in being "just friends" with him. Maybe that will come to pass at some point but I still want more than that from him. I don't really know why I'm agreeing to get together at all, other than it's his offer and I'd rather see him than not so I took it. We'll see how it goes IF it goes this weekend, but I am pretty sure to be disappointed with it all, you're right.

I am using a delivery to Fremont as an excuse to cut out early today, dunno what time but I think 3 sounds good to me LOL so, if you are back before then I'll still be here. Hope your meeting went well!!!


Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 2:30 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

Hi again!

Ooh, the 60 days slipped your mind did it? ;-) lol I'm just giving you a hard time. After listening to the book out loud I am surprised you don't have those words ingrained into your brain. lol I hear exactly where you are coming from. I just don't want you to be hurt. That's the place where I'm coming from. At least you know something about what you're getting into if you climb that slippery slope. :-)

The meeting went well and was pretty fast. It was nice to be downtown. I got in and out of there without any change in my deduction. And I also learned some things about the case and the application of my monthly payment. That was cool. So I'm glad that's over.

I think you've got a great excuse going there. It'll be good to get home to T-dog early too. She won't be expecting it, so it will be a nice surprise to get home while it's still light out and maybe take her on a quick walk.

Enjoy your time, and I'll be around tonight if you want to chat! Ciaoza, baby!


Sent: Wed 11/9/2005 2:46 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: To The People In My Life...

Good job on the meeting :)

Glad for you it went well.

I have a meeting tonight at the ole halfway work release house, with my sponsor, and then din-din after with her. Our monthly service work we do together. It's a rough crowd but when it's good, it's OH SO good to be a part of it. We probably won't get back to my place until 9-9:30, that's usually about the time we get back. Another reason I need to get home & check on the sickie. I can't stay home tonight and hold her on the couch like she'll want me to!

This 55 year old guy in the program that I've always thought was HOT in that Sean Connery sort of way sent me an email today on Match. Mind you he's looked before, I've seen that .. but he hasn't ever said hello. He asked me if I remembered him at all and that made me laugh. DUH .. you're only the hottest old guy I know LOL .. he was, I think, just saying hello but I asked him if he'd be up for coffee and a meeting tomorrow night. I don't know what I was thinking LOLOL ... he didn't answer, I'm sure he's surprised and probably a little suspicious of it. I'm not really his type. God knows how I got that out of my head thru my fingers on the damn screen. AND then hit send LOL ... whatever ... I'm just sick in the head, I need to accept that :) Probably not talk to you till tomorrow, darlin. Hope you have a good night!

"Today" Message Thread

Sent: Tue 11/8/2005 2:10 PM
From: LS
Subject: Today

Howdy there LKK,

I'm sorry I missed your call last night. I left the phone downstairs when I was doing laundry. Had to call myself this AM to find the phone! I hope you found something to make yourself feel better ... hopefully the tub did some wonders for you. Pulled muscles are a bitch and a half! I hope yours goes away quickly.

How about today? How are you feeling? Wooby? :(


Sent: Tue 11/8/2005 2:15 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: Today

Hey there!

No worries on the phone call. That's funny that you had to call yourself to find the phone! :-)
Definitely still wooby and a half. I'm in some sort of downward spiral of feeling sorry for myself. It's probably a good thing I have an appointment with my talk therapist at 3:00. I'm going home from work after that appointment. My back is absolutely killing me and sitting isn't doing it any good.

Last night I didn't make it to the bathtub. B. came over for a few hours and we just shot the sh*t. His visit contributed a little to my increased wooby. And it didn't help that there was no "how are you feeling today?" e-mail in my in-box this morning from you-know-who.

I think the wooby is from this constant questioning of myself. The wondering and poking at the unknown (i.e. the questions about exclusive dating, etc. that haven't been asked) as well as wondering if I'm overly needy (this seems to be the point of out-of-control, obsessive neediness in my relationships) and contemplating whether a person, while being a nice person, is not very demonstrative when I'm feeling this need for demonstrativeness.

I have to wonder if my neediness arises most when I know he is least likely to give it (i.e. his life is in chaos and he's not handling it well -- he's a retreater). That seems to be a modus operendi of mine. So that I self sabotage. That way I can enhance my martyrdom.

He asked me to call him. The wooby in me wants to not call. To punish him. But, as you've found with G., it really only serves to punish me (or you, in that case). As we're the only people aware of what we're doing. They (the normal ones) just think we're busy living our fabulous lives and we'll call when we find time. Blah! The part of me that wants this to go forward at least through this Seahawks weekend (but truthfully, long beyond) says to just call. It's my turn to step up. He'll have his turn. Geez, I'm an optimist.

lol

So, that's the happs on my wooby. Totally woobified and woefull. I just know I'm going to spend that hour with LD bawling my eyes out. :-(

How's tricks for you today?


Sent: Tue 11/8/2005 2:36 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: Today

I'm sorry honey. I hate when people I care about are feeling wooby!!! :(

That makes me feel bad too.

I think you have to rise above the feeling to punish and do what you've agreed to do.
You've agreed to be involved with him and in doing so you have to try to be pure in heart and mind and do what you would want him to do if the tables were reversed. I know you want him to hurt like you are hurting BUT, maybe you need to take the "lead by example" approach. It doesn't work when you play the game the way you want to play it. It only will hurt you more, because you are the more sensitive one. I know this from extremely similar experience and I just wanna help you try to avoid that stuff.

If you have stuff to tell him, you have to try to tell him. If not then you are sabotaging yourself. He is admittedly in his own world half the time so it sounds like you need to take the upper hand and watch out for yourself. Protect yourself from this feeling by using honesty in your favor.

This is one of those DO WHAT I SAY NOT WHAT I DO types of motivational speeches :)
I'm glad you are going to talk to your therapist, I think it will help you get stuff out that needs to get out.

I have no plans tonight but G. tried to call twice while I was at lunch with my friend A. I dunno if he's going to ask me over or not, guess we'll see what we see. I will go if he asks but I'm not going to call him back and make it easy for him. (You'll note just minutes after telling you to be honest I am already back in my comfort zone of ego and stubborness!!!)

Good luck with LD, sweetheart.I'm thinking of you.

LS


Sent: Tue 11/8/2005 2:40 PM
From: LKK
Subject: RE: Today

Thank you for the support and advice. You are so right. Any of my little "get you backs" only make me feel worse and, if they have any response at all, will only confuse E.. I want to play the game a little longer. I think that's the RIGHT thing to do. Because where I'm at emotionally is not the best place to make sound decisions from. Thank you for reminding me of that. And reminding me of my word. I want to be believed when I give my word.

Well, that's an interesting turn of events. The phone calls. Hmmm. You'll have to keep me posted. What time are you leaving tonight? Maybe we can occupy each other as we battle traffic. :-) I'll be on the road around 4:15 or so. Let me know.

Otherwise, thanks a bunch for listening and taking it all in and giving back to me. I really really appreciate it. :-)


Sent: Tue 11/8/2005 2:46 PM
From: LS
Subject: RE: Today

I am gonna shoot for leaving at 4:30, we'll see if I get out of here or not .. but I'll try to call you when I leave & we'll see if we can buoy each other thru the traffic.

Love you :)