"Happy Friday" Message Thread

Sent: Fri 9/30/2005 10:12 AM
From: LS
Subject Happy Friday

Good morning felllow sick girl,
How are you holding up? Feeling any better today?My sinuses are drying out, so that's better for me -- at least my nose isn't running today.
But my eyes are all dried out too so today is a glasses day for me.

G. figured out I was sick (real tough LOL) and wasn't all that excited about it.
Of course that made him think he'll be sick in a few days as well. We went out to dinner, he was too tired to cook he said -- and when we came back to his place and he realized how long it would take to make the bread he didn't want to do that, either. He's very good at changing plans around at the last minute. I had so much experience with that with J. that it really doesn't bother me that much, but I had wanted to do the bread thing so my dad & mom could have it this weekend. We lay on the couch and he had his arms around me while we watched Survivor and then the Apprentice, and then I went home. Not the most romantic night we've ever had, certainly. It was nice to be there but I think maybe (if I'm being honest with YOU) that I should have just stayed home. He was so loud and busy, and I just wanted quiet soothing nurturing -- so I guess maybe he won't make the great nurse I thought he would be. Or maybe he just didn't realize how bad I was really feeling. Anyway, he has been giving me crap non-stop about going to this show tomorrow by myself and it's starting to chaffe me a little bit. He's made plans with some guy friend to go out and "play" and he keeps telling me like I need to hear it over and over why he can't/won't go with me. I asked him 2 weeks ago so, he doesn't really have an excuse other than that he just doesn't want to go which is good enough.

Anyway, nuff bout that. :)

How are you today??


Sent: Fri 9/30/2005 10:42 AM
From: LKK
Subject Re: Happy Friday

TGIF!!!!!

All that sudafed is drying you out. I'm about the same as you, only not quite as dry. I was able to sleep last night without coughing by propping myself in a more upright position. I had some weird ass dreams though. Don't remember them, just remember that they were weird! :-) I'm feeling better than yesterday for sure. Thanks for asking!

Well I'm sorry that G. wasn't the nurse you were hoping he would be. The good news is that he spent the evening with you despite his worries about getting sick, and he held you through two hour-long shows. That's two hours, girlie! :-) That seems pretty romantic in my book. :-)

I stayed at work until 8:20 last night, so no quiet evening in front of the fireplace for me either. I just wanted to get the budget all done and I'm glad I did because my boss was really happy and even told me how pleased he was with the way it looked. That is really rare praise -- he usually doesn't go on and on about job well done and all that. So that warmed my heart a little. I'm going to leave today about 3:00 since I stayed late. I'm planning on FINALLY getting my nails done. I think I'm going to have to have them put new ones on, they're getting pretty schrody.

I think G. needs to learn when to stop with the whole teasing rub it in sort of thing. Of course, maybe he's trying to goad you into begging him to go with you. I don't know what purpose is going to be served by repeating his plans to you time and again -- especially if it's not you who's bringing up the whole Saturday thing. It sounds like the whole one-upsmanship thing you were telling me about earlier this week -- the not knowing when to quit. Teasing is fun up to a point -- then it just starts to rankle. Have you asked him what message he's trying to impart to you by this particular teasing?

I spoke with E. last night. I called him -- but what was funny is that he had just finished writing and e-mail to me. There have been several times that that has happened... That I've been about to call him and the phone rings and it's him. Or vice versa. Weird. He's feeling fine so far -- no signs of the sickies. Although in the e-mail he had to throw in the tease of, "I wonder if the guy you went with to the game has a cold now. ha ha" (Pretty near direct quoting there). I don't know if we're still on for Saturday, and I have to say I don't have a huge investment either way. I'm sure I'll be busy whether it's with him or with my school books. :-)

Speaking of the man I went with to the game, haven't heard from him. Don't know if he made it back from Yakima or not. Hopefully he didn't get stuck sleeping out in that rain yesterday. Those military guys really do face some tough and uncomfortable circumstances.

Dang, I'm really starting to get hot. I hope it's just the heat in this building and not a fever!

Are you going to make the pumpkin bread for your dad at your place?


Sent: Fri 9/30/2005 11:33 AM
From: LS
Subject Re: Happy Friday

I kinda get the feeling that G. keeps bringing up Sat night because he's going to end up saying he'll go with me, but at the same time I don't really want him to go with me anymore since he's made it into such a big deal thing n'all, and I know he doesn't really want to go. I contemplated lying and saying that I got someone else to go with me. He had plans for tonight too and then told me last night he wasn't going .. and I told him I'd made plans because he had plans .. that seems to settle on a funny note with him somehow. I don't know if it's just me or what but he seems to get highly interested in what I'm doing and with whom, when I say I am going to do something. I told him this AM he could definitely go with me tonight, it's a real bar and all, not really an AA function or anything LOL .. but, suddenly he has plans again -- different ones now. He said yesterday that he was going to spend Sunday with me but he hasn't said anything about what we are going to do or anything. I had my mind set on doing my own thing the whole weekend, from the sounds of it. I guess we've seen each other quite a bit this week so I feel content with that - can you believe it? LOL

And thank you for reminding me that holding me for 2 hours IS very sweet. You're right. I just tend to still gloss over the fact that sex and intimacy are NOT the same thing. It's silly but I just have that let down feeling you know, of losing hold or importance or something. I have to tell myself it's okay, but you know how that gremlin can be. Last night I really didn't feel disappointed because I felt so bad sick-wise, but the thought of it crossed my mind.

Honestly I think I need one real good night of sleep. That would work wonders for me I know.

I am getting almost psyched to go to this thing tomorrow by myself, isn't that funny?Like it's going to prove something to myself that I can do it. It won't be nearly as fun as if I went with someone but, then again, not going would be failure AND, I really really want to see him.
Sheesh you can't get any closer than the front row :) I'll get to see him spit LOL

E.'s little snide comment about the football game was interesting, wasn't it?A little on the jealous side of the coin? I bet he's a-wondering how the day went for you.
It's always good when a guy isn't so sure :) Especially when you didn't even plan it!

Outstanding LOL

AND good job on staying late to finish that project!! Can't beat leaving early on a Friday for sure. I used to love doing stuff like that and then leaving early. Plus at night when everyone is gone, I always do my best work when nobody is bugging me and I can listen to my music as loud as I want and I am on my own. Dedication always looks good to bosses so, way to go with that, too.

Sick or not I'd say you've had a pretty good week, huh? :)
Fortunately we're on the back-to-normal side of the sick hill, too, thank goodness!


Sent: Fri 9/30/2005 12:25 PM
From: LKK
Subject Re: Happy Friday

Doesn't it feel great to face a personal challenge? (i.e. going to a special occasion on your own...) Meeting Edgar was a big one for me. I've idolized him for so long -- I mean, he's higher than the Babe on my baseball list. I'm glad that H. went with me, I think her presence calmed me down a little bit. But just to talk with him -- however briefly -- was huge for me. I didn't even stammer! lol I'll bet you Billy Ray will not be able to miss those extraordinary blue eyes of yours. He'll be mesmerized! :-)

I think keeping the boys a little off kilter is a good thing. Most men really are spur of the moment/in the moment sorts -- so plans change readily. At least when they're in control. It's good to throw a little bit of your own sort of wrench in the works. Otherwise they'll get settled, and that leads to the whole taking-for-granted/slacker mentality. I'm not saying make them extremely uncomfortable -- just let them know that they aren't the only fish in the sea, they're just the fish we CHOOSE to be with.

Guys rarely cease to amaze me. Even Z.. When we were talking earlier this week, he was asking about the football game, who I went with, etc. I think he was aiming at finding out if I was still seeing E.. When I told him it was a friend who's in the army, he was all, "At least I wasn't last on the list of people you called." LOL I mean, sheesh.

H. was still here with me last night. She was working on a paper for a class she's taking to work towards her Masters' Degree. She would chat with me off and on, which was cool because I was just doing mindless stuff at that point -- punching holes in papers and putting them in binders for the Council Members. Then I did get a lot of time to myself. Which was cool too. It helped her knowing that there was someone else in the building and did the same for me. :-)

When I left yesterday it felt like I'd been at work forever. I don't know how those workaholics do it... My dad, for instance. He works 12 hour days most days. Good grief. I just want to put my time in and go. Most days I give the City an extra 15 or so minutes, that's no biggie, but hours? It's cool on an every-now-and-then basis -- makes me feel important. lol But if it was consistently like that I'd be a stress/nut case!

Speaking of my dad... He called a little while ago to say that my sister-in-law called on her way to the hospital. She's going into labor, so my little niece or nephew will be born soon. This will be #4 for D., his third with A. (the sister-in-law). Hopefully she'll have a smooth labor. I mean, after the first two, doesn't the last one just basically fall out? lol!!!!

I guess D. and A, have been having some pretty serious relationship problems. My other brother, D2, was telling my dad and I all about it when he was up here in August. I guess they've started to go to counseling separately right now. But apparently A.'s been sleeping on the couch for the last 6 months. I hope everything works out... That's a lot of kids who would be affected by the break-up... :-(

I'm getting ready to walk down to the salmon hatchery with H. and L. (another co-worker). L.'s never seen the salmon when they come in to spawn. So we're going to take a walk down there -- it's only about four blocks. Hopefully we can make it there and back before it starts to pour! :-)

Have a great lunch and talk withya when I get back!


Sent: Fri 9/30/2005 2:47 PM
From: LS
Subject Re: Happy Friday

Howdy ho,
How were the fishes? :)
Is it raining over there yet? Not here, although it definitely looks like it wants to.

I went and got my nails done at lunch. I should have gone to the gym but I can hardly breathe sitting still, I didn't think it would be good to go and wipe myself out for a few minutes. Lazy :) Oh well. The nails needed to be done anyway (even before you said you needed to do yours!) and I took a shorter lunch so I am gonna scram at 4 today. There is NOTHING going on around here and I am still feeling pretty woobie .. I like saying that LOL

Tonight a friend of mine is playing in Seattle with her new band and I really want to go but it doesn't start until like 8:30 and they don't play until like 10 .. I strongly suspect I'm going to get the couch disease by then :) and since G. is going out anyway I think I'll just turn the phone off and watch mindless TV with my poor dog who thinks she lives alone these days! That way I can do my best to be chipper and upbeat for tomorrow's task of "concert on my own". I have gotten so many "poor you" responses from people that I can almost hardly wait to prove them wrong! I went to Alicia Keys by myself once, so technically I have done this before. The last time it was because J. refused to go with me .. and I do so hate putting G. in the same place as J. but he's doing the same thing so, that's that. I keep thinking about the sushi bar and the gambling I'm gonna do too and I am still excited about it. At least it's a Saturday so there won't be any weekday traffic.

I have been thinking about what I want to get for dinner and I wish I had a kung pao squid kind of food I could just go get and be really happy with it but absolutely NOTHING comes to mind! Not pizza, nothing. Maybe I'll just eat ice cream for dinner LOL now THAT has appeal!!!

I know you said you were gonna leave at 3 and I hope you still are ... and if you are, I hope you have a great weekend! Good luck tomorrow! I'll hope to hear good dish on Monday :)

Love you!

Subject: You make me so ...

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 20:37:46
To: L.
From: E.

How are you feeling? Hope your better? Does the guy you went to the game with on Sunday have the same thing, haha.
I never did talk to my boss this evening. I have all kinds of things I can do tomorrow.
I woke up this morning thinking about you sucking my cock. I could not stop thinking about it. I had to play with myself. My cock was sooo hard. Just the though of you sucking my cock ... I can't wait till next time!

Mauh ....

"in case nobody's smiled at you today..." Message Thread

Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 2:30 PM
From: LKK
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

I'm totally with ya, sista. I'm probably making everyone else sick -- If not with my germs, with my constant coughing and nose blowing. But I have to be here to get the budget done. It takes FOR-FREAKIN-EVER to print (color) -- and it's due to Council on Monday. Not to mention the next edition of the City's newsletter...

Normally I like this kind of pressure -- but when I'm woobie... I'm going to make everyone else pay!

Sorry to hear you're right there with me... I cancelled my date with that J. guy for tonight (maybe this was fate's way of taking care of me? Sending me a sign?) and he said he'll give me a call in about 2 weeks when he's free again. Yeah, like I would want to get involved with someone so NOT available. NOT. I should have just showed up and germed him. :-)

No calls or e-mails from the Terbster. :-( I sent him an e-mail last night and sort of expected an answer this morning -- he's usually good about that. But no deal. :-( I'm seriously not too terribly worried about it because I feel too much like the smelly brown stuff to give it much thought, but you have to know that I'm at least giving it a leeeeetle thought.
Sigh.

Are you going to get a couch and jammie night? Gonna make me jealous/envious by telling me about what a sweet nurse G. makes? :-)


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 2:58 PM
From: LS
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

Well I AM going over there for din-din tonight .. no sense in cancelling that LOL .. although I do worry that he's going to get sick. By now though, he's already been around it so much he's either gonna get it or not - tonight shouldn't make much difference. That's my excuse anyway.

I have taken I think twice the limit of Sudafed today along with double vitamin C's and a lot of ibuprofen. I think that would suggest that as woobie as I feel WITH the drugs, I might be perty sick. I've talked to G. today and he hasn't asked about the stuffy nose so I didn't tell him yet LOL .. I think he's probably an okay nurse, if you can stand the sarcastic fakey voice asking if he can get you anything :) I have been pretty impressed with his mood and manner from day to day. He is almost ALWAYS upbeat. I don't know how he does that. It's refreshing and yet I wonder what he's REALLY like underneath it all, still ..

After dinner we are baking that pumpkin bread my dad likes so much LOL
We were gonna do it Tuesday but I totally forgot the pumpkin which makes making pumpkin bread kinda difficult ;) so, we'll do it tonight I guess, somewhere around Survivor because God knows G. won't miss any of that!! Dinner's around 6:30 so I suspect we'll have time.
Tonight would be a killer night for him to tell me to stay put on the couch but I think I'll be having to do a lot of this project myself since it's my idea and my recipe (stolen of course from Libby's) but, we shall see. Last year I did it always at my place with my psychotic oven that jumps heat like crazy ... I'm curious to see how it comes out in a normal oven.

Dad's got his next big chemo day this coming Monday so I wanted to give him something yummy this week to enjoy. And he was really excited about his watch getting fixed by G., I don't really know why .. but I gave it to him today and he was just all smiles. The cookies
were a huge success too with everyone so, G.'s batting a thousand this week. Go figure!

Maybe E. is sick too ... it's tough to do email when you're feelin' woobie, don't you think?I'm just trying to stick up for him :) AND I'll admit I'm glad J. isn't gonna get his day in the sun just yet. Karma has a funny way of making you do the right thing sometimes, huh? I guess that just isn't the next indicated thing for you. ["doing the next indicated thing" is program talk, related to keeping in the moment and not living in the future ... I reckon it applies to a lot of things though!]


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 3:12 PM
From: LKK
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

Yay, G.! You have to admit that it's nice when your guy puts the effort into blending in to the family -- and that he's a hit! :-)

I'm glad your dad is going to get a few bright spots to enjoy before he feels all pukey again. That's really cool of you to make the bread that he likes. Just make sure to wear a mask! :-)

E. very well could be sick (although I don't think it strikes quite that fast). I do know that he was scheduled to work his regular job and then the "off the books" work too. Not sure how late he did that. All I know is that he didn't write or call. Not going to put any meaning behind it -- them's just the facts. :-)

I'm not glad that I have this cold, but I am glad that it got me out of the date. That whole karma thing was what I was trying to allude to earlier with the mention of fate. I wasn't meant to go there. I guess it took me getting physically ill to bring the message home. No worries.

I worked out last night, but I don't think I'm going to tonight. It actually helped to clear my head yesterday, but I think my chest is too involved today to risk the cardio. I think it's a chicken soup sort of night -- and maybe I'll grab a duraflame log or something. Treat myself to a quiet night, 'cause traffic is going to suck on the way home!


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 3:32 PM
From: LS
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

A fire sounds delish :)
I hear ya on the chest thing .. I walked with Audrey this morning and my chest was aching when I got back. Deep breathing is kinda labored and almost painful. Hoping that goes away soon. Resting sounds like a great idea. The later this day gets the more I think maybe that would honestly be the best place for me -- but I just don't wanna do it.

You're right, no matter what E. coulda at least called. I know you said you weren't stressin it but, I'm just agreeing with the facts. He's spread so thin, that boy. I can't believe he has any time to do anything, working 2 jobs n'all that. I can't imagine.

By the way how the heck is your school stuff going?!?!?!


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 4:00 PM
From: LKK
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

I'm really slacking on the school thing. I've been reading, but I don't know if I'm really absorbing what I'm reading. I do find that I like the Introduction to Criminal Justice class textbook much better than I like the Criminology subject matter -- which surprises me, since Criminology is the socialogical aspect of crime. I'm going to focus some good time on it this weekend. I want to get at least all my reading done and a headstart on my writing assignments. I'm freaking out about it a little bit -- it's a quiet freak-out (more internal) but it's there none-the-less.

Yeah, the chest thing started this morning. I have to admit that I prefer the productive cough I seem to have versus the dry choking cough -- but it sneaks up on me sometimes, and can end in a wheeze. It's so weird that you are exactly as far along on the cold that I am. It must have been the air in our section at the Seahawks game. I hope Joe didn't get it. How miserable would that be to have to sleep on the cold hard ground when you feel like we do? Yargh.

I'm sure E. will call -- probably tonight. Who knows, he might be mad that I went over there with a cold. He's pretty laid back though. I don't think that's it. He's just busy doing his stuff. Our situation could be different if we lived closer together, but we don't, so this is how it is. I'm okay with that -- except for right now. It's not even that I like to be nursed back to health. I'd just like someone who actually wanted to and offered to. I was talking to Z. last night, and he asked if E. was going to come over and take care of me. It really stung to answer no. I'll get over it. And if I don't, I'll move on.

That's why it's helping to not get too attached or emotionally involved. I don't think that level of compassion or prioritizing is in my future -- at least not right now. Better just to coast and face the next indicated thing when it arrives. :-)


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 4:13 PM
From: LS
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

Yup :)

Next indicated thing. It's a very smart theory -- easy to grasp, hard to do. As with everything some people handle it better than others .. I'm not so good at it. But I try :)

We mighta caught this thing on Sunday but I had warm clothes on .. G. was cold and he's not sick. I guess my constitution is usually pretty contagious, but I thought that when I started taking fish oils and the cranberry extract supplements that it would different this winter. I wonder if it makes any difference or not. Either way I do hope J. is okay ... you're right, that would point blank SUCK.

This weekend I will have, I think, a bunch of time to myself as well. G.'s class is hooking up tomorrow night for a catch up thing (I think that means a drunk fest) and I am very super totally sure he won't get home early enough to do anything. A friend of mine in a band is playing under the monorail in Seattle and I'd like to go see her, so I might guts it up and go by myself. She's someone I don't know very well but I've always liked her a lot, had great respect for her and her attitude. Somehow when I'm WITH someone it's much easier to go to things by myself .. like the only person I was ever trying to convince I was okay was just ME and not doing a good enough job to go out alone. Not to real stuff, anyway -- movies, yeah I could do that. And looks like, Sat night I might be going to see Billy Ray Cyrus alone as well which is a pisser but I am going no matter what. It's at a casino, so there will be cheap food and slot machines, and a show I'm dying to see in the frickin front row. I've asked about everyone I can think of that likes country that would go and everyone is busy or whatever .. so it might be a good night to get some attention sitting there allllll alone (sniff, sniff, bat, bat) .. not trouble, mind you, but hey who knows ;) I don't wanna compromise myself but I am definitely, no matter what, going to this show.

The rest of the weekend, I dunno what is going on. I hope I get to sleep in and I hope I can get the vacuum upstairs and clean the living room (and the you-know-whats that are living in there) because I think maybe there's just a little too much of that going on in the house. Not good for breathing. And G. saw the dust on my shelves and that embarrassed me, so I need to do some dust elimination. Bathroom needs some attention, as well. Funny how little time it really takes to clean up my little house and yet, I balk. Big time balker :)

I think I'm gonna have that put on my tombstone, come to think of it.
Remind me when I get closer LOLbig time balker and general drama queen
WWAD

LOL I crack myself up ... probably too much Sudafed LOL


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 4:20 PM
From: LKK
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

YOU are TOO FUNNY! :-) You crack me up too, and I'm not even THAT jacked up on Sudafed.... Yet!

Dang, I'm sorry you'll probably have to go to that Billy Ray Cyrus show by yourself. That's no fun! I think movies are okay to see alone, but concerts... That totally sucks. :-( I'm proud of you that you'll go no matter what. That is definitely something Angelina would do. :-)

I keep forgetting to thank you for sending the link to those bunny posters. Too funny. Payless Shoes has slippers with those bunnies on them. :-) We could get jammies, tank tops, posters and even slippers to get our message across, huh? :-)

You know (and this is a totally woobie moment), if J. lived closed, he would totally be all over the pampering. I KNOW this about him. There would be a healthy dose of the G.-like sarcasm you mentioned, but he'd still be there for me. I'm trying my hardest not to compare people, 'cause it's just not fair to either of them. But there it is -- my thoughts out loud.

You have a fabulouso night tonight. Accept the pampering that is your due. :-) Talk withya tomorrow!


Sent: Thu 9/29/2005 4:27 PM
From: LS
Subject RE: Just in case nobody's smiled at you today...

You too Suga :)

Take care of yourself and enjoy that fire.
That sounds absolutely KILLER with or without a man. But then, I've always been one to stare at fire like a junkie ;)

Talk to you tomorrow!

Subject: Hiya cutie

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 23:47:33
To: E.
From: L.

Hey, E.,

Hope you had a good day. Did you get a chance to work that extra job tonight (well, last night by the time you read this). :-)

My day was pretty good -- all except for my sore throat turning into a full blown cold. I really hope you don't catch it!

I had fun with you again last night and was just thinking about you. Had to let you know...

kisses

L.

"Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)" Message Thread

Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 12:05 PM
From: LKK
Subject Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

Hi, LS,

Sorry about the silence here from my end. I'm just puttering around trying to keep my budget printing and starting to edit the articles for the next newsletter. As well as sitting here feeling sorry for myself that I'm coming down with a cold. Grrrr. I'm at that scratchy, constant sneezing, throat clearing, drainage, feverish, wooby stage. :-( I hope I didn't give it to E. At the same time, I told him I had a sore throat, and he didn't even flinch. Let's see how he gets if he gets sick. I'm sure it will be all my fault!

We had a nice evening yesterday. We had mexican food from this little place that he likes to go and had the food that he usually orders. I added an order of flan to his cinnamon tortilla chips, and we had a meal. Even though it wasn't what I would have ordered, I decided it was a great opportunity to try something new -- and it obviously was something he really likes and looks forward to. After all, he did try my fave chinese food a couple weeks ago. :-) It was tortilla soup and then something called a rice bowl -- which had chicken and pico de gayo etc. Both were good. But my fave was the flan spread on top of those cinnamon tortilla chips. Yummy.

We watched most of the Mariners game and then did our fool around. He always asks me to stay after the fooling around. I told him no this time, but I would next time. I told him about the appointment I had with my doc first thing in the a.m., so he seemed to be cool with that. He told me that I don't ever HAVE to stay. I told him that I WANTED to stay. And I would next time. LOL Relationships are work when you're still doing a little pussyfooting around to make sure that everyone's doing what they want and not what they feel obligated to do. That is especially hard for me. But I am working on it.

My appointment with Dr. DT was a good one. I told her I think that my meds are spot on, and she seemed to agree, so we'll leave it at what they are and I'll go see her in a month. We started talking about childhood issues and she was telling me I very much have some "issues" that would benefit me to work on. She said she was glad I was working on them with my therapist -- but I think she was interested in working through them too. I'm torn because I think that her approach might be one I'd respond to because it's more like what I experienced growing up -- so it's more comfortable. A little more matter-of-fact and yet still caring. LD, on the other hand, is pretty gentle and nurturing. Sometimes that alone makes me cry.

Hmmmm, I just don't what all to think.

I do know that I'm really feeling like crap and if I didn't have these huge deadlines looming over me I'd be home in my pjs. I think I'm going to have to make a chicken soup stop tonight. I was going to work out and everything. I may still do that and just sweat it out. We'll see. It's been since Friday that I've had an organized workout. I'm dying here.

How are YOU?


Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 2:03 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

Heya,
Don't tell anyone but I have that same cold thing! I am staying away from my dad but I have the scratchy throat times ten plus a little stuffy runny nose thing. Not terrible, I'm totally okay with working thru it, but it's there niggling me. As you said, I hope G. doesn't get it cuz he gets in trouble if he misses school and I would feel bad if he had to live thru a sick day. We musta got it at the Seahawks game :) I don't feel really bad but the jammies thing sure does sound good.

I am going over to Alternatives tonight to do some book keeping stuff for them. Haven't gone in a long time and feel guilty cuz I used Dad as an excuse to get out of going there every other week. P. asked me to come so I said yes this week. It's just such a waste of real time, cuz really I hardly do anything but chit-chat and have snack with them. It's gotten so that I would just rather be home on Wed night than over there doing that little tiny bit of stuff. They always make it sound like a big deal (cuz they can't type like I can) but really, it's next to nothing.

G. made me dinner last night and then afterwards he says, Do you want me to make you some cookies? LOL I thought he was kidding but he wasn't! LOL And because I'm Snoopee (his new name for me since I snoop around all the time) I had to stay on the couch and watch TV while he did that, and he kept checking on me LOL The cookies were amazing and he gave me almost the entire batch to give to my dad and bring to work. It was a no-fool-around night, which I missed, but he was tired and his back was bugging him so when he said at 10 that he was really wiped out I thought I should take the hint and bug out. He didn't stop me so I know I made the right choice. He called me to make sure I got home okay and I've talked to him today too so it's all good, but that time afterwards is really the only snuggly serious G. I get so I kinda missed it. Not the rest, really, cuz that's been pretty healthy amount-wise ... but I like the snuggling.

He won't let me do any dishes or help with food or pay for anything and honestly I have to get it off my chest that it's making me REALLY uncomfortable to be babied so much. I guess I should be soaking it in and loving it, but I just want to help, you know? Do something. Just sitting there alone on his couch watching TV by myself while he was making cookies really was tough for me. And why he won't let me wash a single dish, I don't understand. And he makes real food at home, with lots of ingredients and spends money on that .. and I just feel like I should be doing my part somehow! I tried to get him to tell me why I can't do any of that and he just said when I'm a guest at his place I shouldn't have to do that stuff, that I can do it when he's at my place -- and I laughed and said, how many times do you think I'll really cook you dinner and make you cookies at my place?!?!?!? LOL .. plus, I don't want to be considered a guest anymore. "Guest" is so formal, I don't like it.

I suppose I'm complaining about absolutely nothing and I should be thrilled with it all, and really mostly I am -- but it's been bugging me so I had to vent it. If you have anything to say go ahead, it's fine :)

I'm glad you had fun last night, by the way, and I'm glad you are happy with your meds and how everything is working for you! That sounds awesome and I'm thankful for you. I like that you are feeling "normal" even if it's "for the birds" (which really made me laugh) :)


Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 2:35 PM
From: LKK
Subject Re: Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

Dang, I'm sorry to hear that you are fighting the same crud. I was hoping yesterday it was just allergies or something, but today's the full on scratchy woobies. Hope yours stays manageable!

That is really sweet -- what G. does. I hear you on your venting. It is really hard to just sit back and accept pampering. I always feel like I should be doing something -- or give it back in return. I think what's important to remember is that he most likely has a hard time accepting the pampering -- and also that you two may have different styles. Just because it is his style to make you cookies while you relax, doesn't mean it has to be your style to do the same. If you return the pampering in your own special way, then you're still pampering. What I'm saying is that it doesn't have to mirror his style if your style is different. That is what you like about each other -- the complementary parts of your selves.

I hope that makes sense. I'm fuzzy over here. lol

It's good to be "normal" whatever that is. But I sure do miss the superhuman energy. It didn't feel like too much all at once (at least not most of the time) but it endured. The well just didn't run dry. :-)

I'm sure your volunteering tonight doesn't feel all that appealing because you're fighting this cold. That can put a damper on any extra activities -- especially when the couch and jammies are calling your name. And also, girlie, just because your 120 wpm typing isn't impressive to you -- to someone who hunts and pecks, you are saving them HOURS of laborious yuck. Every little bit helps. And did you ever stop to think that they may just want your sunshine around? :-)


Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 3:58 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

They say that everytime I go :)That they just having me around. But to me that just doesn't FEEL like a gift, like service.
That's just me, you know? Besides ... today being ill I suspect I won't be such a sunny
sunshine .. I am fading fast. I still don't feel bad necessarily but very tired all of a sudden around 3:00. I hope it stops there.

G.'s a good boy overall. Very sweet, very comfortABLE and comfortING. I know I shouldn't try to figure him all out and just accept him on his level when he asks me to - but that's just tough! I haven't dated men like him, who are so selfless and seem to be truthfully so. I am suspicious, you know -- I keep thinking he's going to do all this nicey-nice stuff then one day be like, what the heck are you going to do for me???? It's that whole "transactions" thing my sponsor talks about - about you do something for me and then I do something for you, and I want to be one-up so maybe I'll do two things for you and so-on ... I don't actively think that way but I can outright tell that I'm fighting guilty urges because he is one-upping me big time on the nice gestures scale. My brain says I can't compete on his level, which seems to be setting off some kind of low-key panic alarm. Like if I can't compete then I'm not good enough so he'll get tired of me - so what can I do to stop it??? -- that kinda thinking. I hope that makes some sense to you because I don't really know how to describe it. I'm working on deep breathing and just trying to let it go because, I know it's crazy-thinking. Drama Queen thinking. LOLsee I feel a little better already admitting the obvious LOL :)


Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 4:11 PM
From: LKK
Subject Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

LOL See, admitting you have a problem is the first step. :-)

I did get your meaning, and I suffer from some form of what you're talking about as well. I realize, for me, a lot of it comes from this particular word that was thrown in my direction while growing up -- selfish. Apparently speaking my mind was selfish. Wanting something special was selfish. Wanting attention was selfish. You hear that message enough, you certainly don't want to be labelled anything quite as awful as selfish, because it sure seemed like a pretty awful thing to be.

The whole idea of a gift is that there is no expectation of anything being paid/given/traded in exchange. It is a GIFT. You and I have trouble with that concept -- and I so hear your "waiting for the shoe to drop" suspicions. Yours are certainly more justified after your experience with J. But here again, this is baggage that we're taking from one relationship to another -- whether fairly or unfairly. It is stuff that is part of us that we need to find some way to deal with and then "put on a shelf" as Dr. DT said this morning. Doing that doesn't make the experiences any less awful -- just that now they have been experienced and lived through and processed, and here is there memento on the shelf -- not buried in your heart only to come rushing back at you when you're faced with a "trigger" situation.

Does any of that make sense?

So, Ms. Drama Queen, (and I say that with the greatest affection, from one to another!) keep that deep breathing going and take one little step at a time when it comes to the nice things that G. does. Try one at a time on for size in the whole, "Yeah, that's right, I deserve this" mindset. You do, you know. No more, no less than he deserves the sweet things that you do. And you KNOW that you do a ton of them. I'm only just reminding you. :-)


Sent: Wed 9/28/2005 4:24 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Hump day should be changed to Tuesdays... ;-)

You're a doll to remind me :)
thank you.

I just needed to get it out of my head!! I know it's crazy and I don't want to react to it but it just overwhelms me and I don't know what to do. Saying "thank you" to something on G.'s terms is just so not enough ... having him spend what I think is a lot of money on dinner, or having him spend a lot of time cooking something complicated for me, when he's been at school all day and his back is hurting him ... calling me to see if I've made it home okay when I only just drove for 7 minutes ... those things are overwhelming me. They make me feel SO emotional I want to cry - I think they are good tears, but the feelings are mixed up because I feel like I don't deserve it. Very very true to home what you said about being selfish ... my mom said that to me all the time, too.

He just sent me a text message and it scared the heck out of me when I heard the phone make the noise :) .. I swear he has ESP ..

He wrote to tell me he fixed my dad's watch .. another thing to thank him for ..

can you believe that I've spent lifetimes of time wishing for someone who'd accept me the way I am and treat me like a Queen and he's here and I can't handle it ... what the hell is wrong with me anyway .. :S

I'm leaving at 4:30 so I will say Good Night for now. Thanks for listening to my vents today, I appreciate you taking it in and giving me some other ways to look at things so I can figure out how to handle all this stuff. Sometimes I feel like such a little kid and I don't want anyone to know ... so thank you.

Love to you & take good care of the woobies :)

"Howdy" Message Thread

Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 11:58 AM
From: LS
Subject: Howdy

Hey there!
Just wanted to check in & say Hi .. nothing newsy other than I went to court this AM for my speeding ticket I got in June and asked for a continuance since the officer wasn't subpoena'ed for my contesting of the ticket. Now I have to go back Nov 28 (Monday after Thanksgiving weekend!!! :((( ... ) but I suspect & hope I'll get out of it cuz the officer didn't write anything down about the incident. I watched and learned a few things ;)

How are ya? Is tomorrow night gonna happen with Terbie?Is it a done deal yet or no?


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 12:00 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Howdy

Hey there Sweet Stuff!

Wow, talk about dragging out the torture on you. It does sound promising that you'll get it tossed out. It seems like you've just about served out the length of a continuance/defferal anyway. Criminy.

Not too much on my side either. I'm going over to E.'s tonight. Apparently, he heard my statement of, "I can do Tuesday if you come to me" as "I'll come over to your place." LOL!!!! He's put alot of thought into each moment of our evening, and since he laid it all out for me in plain (and suggestive) english, I'll go along with it. Well, he laid everything out except for the whole issue of it being an overnight or not. And because I must plan for these things, I sent him an e-mail requesting clarification on that point. I get back an, "Overnighter? Well, um, it's up to you." He called attention to the fact that he was writing his response to me at 4:23 a.m. and that tomorrow morning would most likely be the same. "So it's up to me."

I've brought my crap with me just in case, but I'm leaving it in the car because I will most likely be high-tailing it back to my place. Although I'm getting to where I'm wanting overnights to happen because I want the snuggle time spent. Otherwise it's all about getting busy and leaving eventually. There's got to be that quiet time just being together and touching without purpose, if that makes sense.

So, bottom line. I'm on my way there tonight.

I've decided from now on that I'll just have to ask the hard questions to pin him down to what his plan for the evening is and share my plan, so that we're on the same page. I want to avoid disappointed expectaions.

How did your night go last night? Was G. distracted at all now that he's back in school? Any detectable changes?


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 12:29 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Howdy

I was only there for an hour and a half LOL
Although, he really wanted me to stay overnight so that was sweet -- it was me who choose to leave. I did not detect one iotta of difference in him and in fact he was very silly cute and clingy actually. I'm going over there tonight to have him look at my dad's watch (he's wanting to have a link taken out since he's lost weight and it doesn't fit now) and bake some pumpkin bread for my dad since this is the good food week. I mentioned it to G. and he said that would be fun LOL .. tomorrow I'm going to Alternatives to do some backlog admin stuff I haven't been doing, and Thursday is Survivor night at G.'s place .. I think I'm going to be a big fan real fast of that show even though I have never watched Survivor. I have "reality TV" in my blood anyway, I love it, so it's easy to watch - especially with G.. I would really like him to come spend time at my place too so I can have T-dog with me (and I might ask him if I can start bringing her over cuz I feel bad leaving her home alone all the time) but it IS easy to come by his place, hang out & go home.

Anyway to answer your question, I don't think school is gonna make any big deal difference in the scheme of our relationship. Doesn't seem like it, anyway -- although it just started :) maybe it will get harder when he has stuff he has to work on or whatever it is they do for "homework" .. I don't know yet. I just get the feeling he's smitten too and I so totally love it.

He's taken to calling me Snoopy now because I was snooping in his bathroom (IE the drug bottles, etc .. ) not sure that's a good thing or not but I try to make light of it so he can adjust and move on LOL

I'm glad you're going to E.'s place tonight, sounds like he's got a plan and that's a good thing. You can leave after relatively good snuggle time and still have plenty of time to get home and get sleep cuz you don't have to be at work so early. That will be a good time to be driving, too, cuz it will be late and nobody else will be out there (no traffic is always a good thing).

So what is the hottie wearing tonight? ;)


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 12:45 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Howdy

Well, good, I'm glad to hear that. :-) I'm really liking you feeling good about it too -- and not feeling anxious over every little thing. This is a whole new ball game for you (actually having a healthy, loving, good guy to shower you with affection and good vibes). :-) I'm so excited for you!

That's so funny about the reality TV thing. I think it's definitely a necessity that both people have a passion or at least an interest in the quiet time activities they spend together. That you both enjoy (to put it mildly -- hee hee) reality shows is awesome. Just means more time to just be together without every minute planned.

The hottie is not dressed particularly hot in her own opinion, even though that was requested by the Terbster. I have on a sort of renaissance style scarf blouse. Tight at the top of the sleeves and then bell sleeves at the bottom. There are little black bands on each of the tight arm pieces with little velvet string bows. It's a v-neck with a v-bottom. Black with little mauve/taupe/off-white and beige flowers (really little flowers). The bottom half is encased in some faded designer jeans (BCBG) with heavier denim. And on my feet I have some mid-high-heel black shorter boots with buckles and stuff on them. Sort of "tough" boots. :-)

At least my hair is red again -- no gray roots. Phew!

Don't think this is quite the hot he is expecting.


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 1:09 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Howdy

Well it doesn't sound like jeans and a t-shirt either .. although you in a t-shirt is kinda hotter than the usual girl in a t-shirt anyway .. I'm sure you look very pretty. He'll like your clothes better on the floor anyway I'm sure ;)

I'm starving!! I am gonna cut up some tomatoes my dad brought me from their yard and a cuke I brought in, and have some canned chunk tuna with it -- how's that for healthy? LOL .. being around G. means eating dessert all the time so I have to really work to be good at lunch time, at least. Especially when I'm gonna be seeing him. It's funny he's got such a lethal sweet tooth .. makes me feel not-so-guilty about mine but at the same time, it's funny to see it in a guy like he's got it. Sugar does NOT get past that guy!

Are you looking forward to tonight or not-so-much? I can't tell ... ?


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 1:25 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Howdy

You are so sweet to me, you know that? Thank you for the compliment. :-) I'm starting to regret the fact that my underwear doesn't match, but at least I put the effort into shaving my legs. ha ha

Your lunch sounds really good. Way to go on the healthy, and yet yummy. That protein will keep you focused this afternoon -- the usual fading time. And that's a really healthy attitude too -- the lack of guilt and the negotiating with yourself. You know you're going to have some dessert, and you make allowances for that without getting all guilty about it. Now, that's what I'm reading. Are you feeling that way? I hope so!

I do sound non-committal about the whole get together tonight, don't I? I think it's because I'm trying to rein myself in and get through the day without alot of anxiety or anxiousness. I have one of my therapy appointments today, so I'm kinda focusing on that and wondering where we're going to go on Mr Toad's wild ride...

I'll admit to that googly feeling in my tummy every time I let myself think about the antics planned. Ants in my pants though? Not so much. If I were to give in to that, I'd be a mess. :-) Well, at least more of a mess than usual. ;-)


Sent: Tue 9/27/2005 1:32 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Howdy

You know what they say about 1 step forward, 2 steps back .. I think maybe this past Sunday was a little step back for you (maybe E. too) and so you are still a little bit on the smarting side of things. Glad he's making an effort to get together sooner than later, and hopefully some mushy time together will help ease things up a bit. I can tell you aren't totally psyched to go there but at the same time I know you wouldn't be going just for the heck of it, so there must be more good than bad on the teeter-totter scale! Still like I said, I just want you to be happy. Enjoy the moments and see what happens. It has been a gift from God alone, I think, that has allowed me a freedom with G. to relax and enjoy it all. He's not perfect, certainly, but then neither am I .. his feelings seem true to me, and I think he genuinely cares about me, and that makes it all much simpler. I marvel sometimes that he & I don't really share that much in day-to-day common and yet, in the last few weeks we've woven some threads thru our days and nights and we've gotten used to talking and keeping in touch. For today, he's who I want to turn to and share with, and that feels really, really good.

He asks about you all the time, you know :) I think it's become somewhat of a game to him to ask, because he knows you & I exchange a lot of email about him & E., but also it's another thing about him I find dear -- that he remembers the names of my friends, remembers things I've talked about and asks me how they're going. We play a lot but we talk a lot too, and he really listens to me. More gushy mushy talk :)

I love dessert and I love that he loves it too LOLI know how the game is played (calories in vs calories out) so I figure if I'm going to the gym and watching what I eat most of the time, then dessert is okay. So yes, you do NOT hear guilt coming from me! If there was guilt, it would ruin it!! LOL

And I LOVE the word "antics" LOL
What a fun word!! So perfect!! :)

"Tuesday night." Message Thread

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 18:58:14
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Tuesday night.

Yeah .... ware something hot, too!

And when you walk in the door ... Yeah ... We'll get naked! Maybe a session of oral sex... Then, auhhhh Mexican food? And then relax and then ... I wanna tie you up to my bed and do stuff to you. Good stuff!!

I hope to see you at 6:30ish. I hope you show up wet with anticipation, I know you will!

Kisses


Mon, 26 Sep 2005 23:17:16
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Re: Tuesday night.

Well well well... Looks like someone has been putting his mind to good use ;-)

Is this an overnighter? If so, I must prepare...

Let me know.

Looking forward to seeing you.


Tue, 27 Sep 2005 04:36 AM
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: Re: Tuesday night.

Overnighter? That is up to you. Its 4:33am. And most likely I will get up at the same time tomorrow. I don't know who late I can stay up. I hope that I can catch a lil nappypoo before you make it over.
Overnighter? That's up to you ..... cu soon!

e.

"What a beautifull day in the neighborhood..." Message Thread

Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 10:00 AM
From: LKK
Subject: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

Okay, I'll stop. LOL

How are you doing this morning? Did you get to bed early as planned?

Mine was a later night than I planned. Not for any good reason beyond me getting hooked on playing this game called Squelchies online. Mindless entertainment. :-)

I am tired this morning, but I am proud to say that I was RIGHT on time (8:15 on the dot -- one hour early so I can leave to get my hair done). And I had an epiphany. When I actually allow myself enough time, realistically, to get to work, I am so much less stressed. :-)
Go figure!


Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 11:19 AM
From: LS
Subject: Re: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

That's hilarious ... you know it hits SOOOO home with me, being early or even just on time to work! It does make a difference. I try but I'm still not good at it, especially since my dad hasn't been here at 7 since he got sick ... I know I should be here but mostly it's like 7:05-7:10 which I must admit is not a good thing. Even today, I tried to be on time cuz G. had to go back to school today so I was gonna put myself on tougher rules -- but, it was 7:05 LOL

It IS a beautiful day!I am going to the gym soon & actually looking forward to it. Should be a very nice, sweaty workout .. I need it after feeding at the fair!

Did you get any emails from J. yet about yesterday?I suspect he will be writing to you soon. How's things with that - how are you feeling?


Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 2:00 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

Good for you on the workout! Sweat some for me too. I should be getting back to the gym tomorrow. I may go tonight, but I hate to do it right after I get my hair done -- it seems like such a waste just to sweat it all up. You know what I'm saying?

I'll be interested to hear how this whole G. going back to school/independent person/previously made plans/do things by myself thing is going to play out. :-) Keep me posted. Like you said last night, me thinks the man is not so independent as he likes to think himself. ;-)

No, no e-mails from J.. I don't really expect to hear from him until he gets back from Yakima on Thursday night. They won't have e-mail access or anything -- remember, they're outside, no tents, no nothing. I think he'll probably call/write too, but I'm not counting any pre-hatched chicks. lol I'm really trying not to think anything about anything, but you know what that does -- only makes me obsess all the more!

What I know is that I was really comfortable with J.. The silences were comfortable -- not nervous or loaded like they can feel with E.. I like that feeling. Now, granted, E. deserves some slack because we basically jumped right into a face-to-face after a couple of really short e-mails and one phone call. J. and I have written novels for over six weeks. There's alot of make-up time to be done in comparison, don't you think?

I'm thinking the next couple of days have the possibility to hold some answers. I'm curious to see how E. is going to be after our difficult day on Saturday. I think that my focusing on his reaction is allowing me to put off dealing with it myself. You know?

I just got back to my desk to find I'd missed a call on my cell. Z.. :-) Too funny.


Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 2:37 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

Isn't it odd how wolves circle when they sense competition LOLOL ...
Well, I like J.. I admit I didn't like the idea of him compared to the idea of Terbie BUT, now that Terbie's apparently showing his truer colors I am not feeling so much like defending him. I just want you to be happy, I don't give a who-hah about who it's with. And like you said, you and J. did spend a lot of time getting to know each other in emails. Not to mention my forever-penchant for military men :)

I hear ya on not wasting the new do .. heck you don't NEED to work out every day - enjoy the pretty and take the night off. Totally agree with you on that one!

Mr Independent called me at 12:50 on his lunch break to say hello & I was of course at the gym and he couldn't reach me so he left a message ... sweet little boy ... I think he is definitely not going to be the "get away I need space" kind of guy. Although, in my favor, I have a life that I enjoy too, so I am not so apt to call every half an hour and die for the moment I can be with him again as I might have been in a previous life. I think he appreciates that. Plus we are only 7 minutes away from each other so a night time rendezvous is very very easily facilitated - and that is a very wonderful thing.

Man this afternoon is even BEAUTIFULLER than the morning was :)
I love Fall!!

Isn't it funny your day is almost over !! And you get to have hair fun after ... that's very nice.
I know you'll enjoy it! What time are you leaving, 4:30?


Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 3:00 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

I'm going to have to walk across the street so I can enjoy some of the beautiful afternoon. I'm leaving right around 4:30 - 4:45. Yay! But I'll have to contend with the East Lake Sammamish Parkway (to Redmond) traffic. I go to the Redmond Gene Juarez. I'll be all sleepy by the time I get there. :-)

That is so funny and sweet at the same time, that G. called you on his break. My ex-husband used to do that. Those little, "I'm just thinking about you" calls are the best! And it's true that you have a great, full life -- pining away waiting is no good for either party. I'm glad that you are having so much fun and that you are getting to experience something good for a change. G. is definitely one of the good guys. :-)

You're so funny. J. is definitely the more "present" of the two -- in person anyway. That military thing makes it pretty difficult to be present very often -- know what I mean? I hope these aren't Terbie's true colors -- just for the sake that I'm tired of meeting buttheads. I like to think that I'm at least making progress on the a-hole scale. LOL But for every step forward there seems to be a step or two backward -- or even to the side. Sigh... He's not a bad guy. My perception is that he is either not interested in being connected -- that he's not good at showing that he wants to be connected -- or that it takes him forever to get connected. Do I have the patience, the interest or the ability to find out which it is -- that is one of the more important questions I need to ask myself -- apart from J.'s existence.

And while I'm at it, I've just poked the fire a little more by making a date with this guy named J. for Thursday. He's right of the ilk that I seem to not be able to resist -- cute, preppy, always travelling... So NEVER available. This is a curiosity date -- no particular interest beyond seeing how he translates in person. I'm starting to get a sour stomach over it even now.

Why do I do these things?


Sent: Mon 9/26/2005 3:25 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: What a beautifull day in the neighborhood...

Wow honey bunch you REALLY take a big bite when you bite don't ya ... that's a mighty big plate of boys you got there! I can tell you are just not that into E. anymore cuz I think you would be acting differently than you seem to be -- and that's totally your call, of course. I just don't want you to get hurt. It's kind of a rock and a hard place isn't it, to feel somewhat committed to someone you've slept with and yet not feel so committed. I'm sorry that "union" hasn't been what you've hoped for. You know I'm happy to listen if you need an ear anytime.

I worked myself into another jam today by not doing much this AM and now I am rushing around again so I apologize for cutting this stream short but I must .. so I will say Good Night for now and wish you a good evening & fun at the salon. Enjoy the pampering and try to relax! Don't think too much, it will ruin the color :)

Love you!

"hey you" Message Thread

Fri, 23 Sep 2005 17:36:01
To: L.
From: E.
Subject: hey you

I just washed my phone.

Call me at ###.###.####

e.

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 00:54:31
To: E.
From: L.
Subject: Re: hey you

Uh oh! I wondered why I didn't hear back from you -- but, silly me, I didn't bother to check my e-mail til now... I just woke up from falling asleep on the couch...

Anyway, that's why "I" didn't call you at the number below. Sorry!

I was able to get my hair appointment moved (to Monday), so I'm all clear for the game. Are we still going?

My number is ###-###-####, call me in the morning?

Talk with you then... Looking forward to seeing you

L.

"TGIF" Message Thread

Sent: Fri 9/23/2005 11:05 AM
From: LS
Subject: TGIF

Good morning!Happy Friday to you.
I have nothing at all to report or mention, life is even-keeled enough and the headache
seems to have evaporated to nothing left. I am not feeling oh-so happy camper-ish but I think
that's because tonight I have to hoof it down to A.'s for that stupid, lame-o makeup
party she's having at her house. I really dislike the use of friendship to strong-arm me into
attending things like this ... she does it from time to time & while the events aren't awful,
driving down there just for that with a bunch of other women I don't know doesn't float my
boat. You know what I'm sayin.

How about you? How was Tiger Mountain & the catch up with B.?
Did you have fun? Talk to Terbie? :)


Sent: Fri 9/23/2005 11:55 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: TGIF

Hi, LS,

Glad to hear your headache is gone. Sounds like the pain has moved down to your neck -- or even lower -- thanks to A. ;-) Is it a Mary Kay party?

I know what you mean about people playing the friend card on you to inspire support guilt. For some reason, it's a little more acceptable if it's emotional support -- but that whole financial support thingie... Well, money's weird for me anyway, no matter what the scenario. I suppose that is another "thing" I need to work on. lol

The hike was alot of fun. We went a little different way than usual, and B. was trying to point out landmarks for me if I want to attempt the hike by myself or as a guide for someone else. We had fun catching up too. So it was a good evening all-in-all.

E. called me on my way home and asked if he could still go to the Seahawks game on Sunday. I guess the guy who was going to have work for him didn't call him last night (I learned after the fact that if he had called for E. to work yesterday from 4:00 - 8:00 then the whole Sunday job would have been on too). So it looks like he's free on Sunday after all. Not only that, but he also asked if I wanted to go to the Huskies game on Saturday against Notre Dame. I already had a hair appointment during the time, but I rearranged to have it done Monday (which is a HUGE sacrifice on my part since I really need the color done and also since I'll have to be at work an HOUR early) so I could go, because I really want to see that game.

So it's going to be a full football weekend for me. Hee Hee I believe it will also be a "getting busy" weekend as well. And a test to see if we can stand each other for that much time in a row (we're talking about him staying over). That's a long time. I'm thinking about doing some grocery shopping so we can have a fun breakfast before the Seahawks game. That's the plan, but I'm working my hardest for it not to be my expectation. Self preservation on the whole emotional front, if ya know what I mean.

Besides, I may want to kick his butt to the curb after the Huskies game and just meet up for the Seahawks game. ;-)

Have you broken the news to G. yet that he WILL be going to the Seahawks game? hee hee


Sent: Fri 9/23/2005 12:14 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: TGIF

G.’s got family coming up to visit this weekend related to the family that owns the condo he's living in ... so anyway that's Sat for that game you're going to. He's been given a ticket also so keep your eye open -- coincidence sometimes happens, you might see him there, who knows. Yes, I told him Sun we're going to the game LOL I am just going to go with it, if he doesn't like it then I guess he can always stay home. I am looking forward to it, bad view or not -- should be fun. Say, what 2 seats do y'all have??? I am dying to meet my man Terbie :) I hope you will let me!I am glad by the way the weekend is shaping up so nicely in your favor ... sounds nice, I hope you love it! Off to the gym ...


Sent: Fri 9/23/2005 2:20 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: TGIF

We are seats 19 and 20, so I am sure we will be seeing you.

I can't help but have this little niggly squiggly thing going on in the pit of my stomach that none of this is going to happen. That he'll find out he can work on Sunday and do it -- meaning he'll leave me in the lurch -- or that his friend who is giving him the Huskies tickets will change his mind and it will be he and E. going instead of me... I can't help but feel these little anxieties (I'm keeping them little) because they've happened time and again for me.

Dang it's hard to trust somebody new.

So, in the same way I'm keeping my nigglies small, I'm keeping my "lovin' it" small too. If I let it get too big, I won't be able to enjoy whatever comes my way. But yeah, there's a part of me that's lovin' it. :-)

Hope your gym session goes (went) well! Good for you! Here's another week down to making a habit. :-)


Sent: Fri 9/23/2005 2:22 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: TGIF

cool beans :)
you just keep things small. Besides, that way .. when you love it, you'll LOVE it and
you'll be thrilled with it. Good thinkin'

I have to get to work so I can leave & take care of T-dog before this ungodly THING tonight.
I hope you have a good couple days, fun tomorrow at the Huskies game and I'll see you Sunday! Can't wait & I'm sending you all the good karma I've got!! :)

XOXO

"Just one more day ... soon ..." Message Thread

Sent: Thu 9/22/2005 1:21 M
From: LKK
Subject: Just one more day ... soon ...

Those were great photos. Thank you! I still check in with my pandas periodically through the day. It's amazing how the mama panda holds the baby almost like a human would hold her baby. So cool.

Thanks for reading my vent. And for trying to offer some insights. I think what I need to remind myself that this is my perception of things -- that he expects me to be flexible in my schedule. I think what is more true is that he is living his life and I am living mine and if my free time coincides with his free time, cool. Sometimes he'll make his free time coincide with mine, and vice versa. But in all reality, I don't think he expects me to drop everything to do his bidding. Quite the opposite, actually. It was just my woobie feeling all put-upon. And also my natural impulse to make time for the person I care about. Not necessarily a healthy impulse if it's at the expense of my emotions and the other people in my life.

What's really going on is that I WANT him to make time for me. I WANT to be more important than making money. Now if that need to make money is to keep the roof over his head... Well, then I just need to get over myself.

Quite frankly, I need to talk with him about what works for him and what works for me. We both talked about not wanting to have to be mind readers to know what the other wants. If he doesn't know what I am expecting or wanting from him in order to be ONLY with him, then I can't hold him to those unspoken expectations and desires. And the same goes for him. You see what I'm saying?

I have this whole rational side that understands all this, and I have the emotional side that says, "Ya but, ya but..." Grown-ups talk to each other. Teenagers get all bent out of shape and expect the other person to just KNOW what they want. I mean, isn't that what EVERYONE wants? lol Like it's written down somewhere that this is what girls want. Not just that, but that there's a table of contents that shows each and everyone of us by name, and this is what LKK wants, and this is what LS wants. And the poor sap just needs to memorize the textbook because you can bet for damn sure he's going to be quizzed on it later!

LOL
When I see it like that, I can laugh and sure feel stupid for ranting. Now this stupidity doesn't mean I'm not entitled to get what I want -- or to negotiate for what I want. The stupidity is representative of the fact that I need to ASK for it. Doh!!!

I am looking forward to the hike -- to getting out of my hamster rut at the gym. It will be nice to catch up with B. too. She used to temp at the City of Bellevue when I worked there. Now she works for the City of Seattle. Her daughter got married this summer and we haven't debriefed about my trip to Italy yet either. So I'm sure there will be lots of huffing and puffing as we try to carry on a conversation throughout the hike. :-)

Okay, enough about me -- what's going on for you? SNS gone? How was da gym -- or was it Bailine today?


Sent: Thu 9/22/2005 2:49 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Just one more day ... soon ...

:)

It was Bailine and a sauna. Should have been great but I have a rough head throb thing going on. I don't know if it's going to be a migraine or just a throb thing (you know??) but it's definitely way more irritating than a headache, and I am leaving work in about 10 minutes I've decided. G. wants me to call when I leave but I don't know if I want to see him or not .. I really feel like I want to go home to my new cool sheets and hide my head and my SNS (which is doing well & thanks for asking) and just sulk. God knows why. I just feel like I need a ME day during the day. Today looks like a good enough one to me.

Have fun tonight with B. catching up - that will be a good time for you I'm sure. And good job working out the E. stuff on your own, that's very grown up of you & I thought I should tell you I was impressed with it.

Talk to you tomorrow darlin

'"Hope we're happy" Hump Day' Message Thread

Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 7:34 AM
From: LS
Subject: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Good morning Pretty Lady!
I'm dying to know how the hot outfit went over, what you had for dinner and how the "dessert" went! I know you're probably going to be tired and busy this AM but when you have some time,

enquiring minds want to know! :)

hey just a side bar note ... my INXS hottie JD Fortune won the contest and he's gonna be the new frontman! I was so excited!!


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 10:32 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Hola, Chica!

JD was a hottie! I've always been a fan of people with "face" as our baseball boys put it. lol

Last night was fun. The traffic really wasn't that bad. I think I left late enough that I just hit a few snags that seem to be on 405 no matter what day or time (i.e. the S-curves and the off-ramp to 167). We had steak and potatoes and canned corn (instead of the steamed brocoli -- he's good about reading my body language, and I don't have much of a poker face. lol I'm just not a fan of cooked veggies.)

His place is in a pretty old building right on the creek that runs through Kent. It doesn't look like much from the outside, but the inside is alot nicer than you would expect -- and bigger too. I got to feed ducks right off his deck (and I'm a BIG fan of duck feeding.) We went for a walk after dinner. I think we were both a little bit nervous (even though he denied it). We started watching a movie (Independence Day). It was cute, he said something like, "It's pretty sad that most of my videos are fitness videos." LOL When you consider that most of MY videos are movies -- and "guy" movies at that. ;-)

We did eventually get to dessert and had a few servings, if you get my drift. He did tell me I could stay over after the second helping of dessert but I told him I wasn't prepared to stay over, and why -- that I hadn't brought the pills I have to take. We didn't talk about what pills, which is cool. I did tell him I had seen my therapist earlier in the day and that it was a tough session. He gave me a hug right away.

I think we were both alot more relaxed with each other after the fun stuff. Enough to freely talk about future stuff, which I think we were both playing by ear before. I get the impression that he was holding off on talking about that stuff because he didn't want to appear to be needy and I think it had to do with that guy-independence thing. They're protective of those ideas, you know what I mean. I'm just taking any feelings I might have REALLY REALLY REALLY slow. But we both relaxed quite a bit during pillow talk.

I learned alot more about him, and that was cool.

Oh, and I almost forgot. He really did like the outfit. I didn't stay in it long -- brought other comfy clothes, but did stay in it long enough that he got to enjoy for awhile. lol

I got my tickets last night. Section 340, row FF. Did you get yours? How was your night?


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 11:22 AM
From: LS
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

I am SO SO glad you had a good time :)
Very happy to hear that and happy for you. Sounded like fun AND excitement.
That's a great combo!

After the killer morning I had with G. I guess I went a little over the edge on the expectation wall .. it was disappointing to get to his place all excited to see him so I could sit outside with the smokers and wine drinkers and listen to 4 people talk at the same time. So fun. NOT. He brought up a ton of wine from his trip and there were 4 different bottles on this little table and they were all drinking it and, it kind of made me feel like I didn't belong. Not that I wasn't included, but that I stood out .. and it affected my mood. I felt a little defensive, I'm sure it showed. We stayed out there like a half an hour after I got there, which was about 27 more minutes than I would have wanted to stay out there. He'd ordered some junky pizza so we went in after it came and we had some dinner. I think in all fairness both of us were pretty tired and a little cranky. I will say anyway, that I was ... and he seemed like he wanted to play kindergarten pokey pinchy games a little too much for where I was at. We had dessert too but compared to the electricity of the episode from the morning it was stale and way too fast. The phone rang twice while we were in his room and then someone came to the door and rang the doorbell a bunch right after, which of course prompted Mr "God I'm so tired" to jump out of bed, throw clothes on and run right out the door for a 5 minute conversation with one of the neighbors. I know, it really wasn't a big deal in the real world .. but it was a big deal to me. I did stay to watch tv at his place, he wanted to watch Big Brother 6 which I have never watched and consequently slept thru .. and he woke me up to watch my show while he proceeded to fall asleep thru. I jumped up when JD won and scared the hell out of him LOL. It just wasn't the great, warm fuzzy night I had spent the day wanting. I felt the presence of Mr. Independent in spades. This morning he called to say good morning & I did my really best effort to act like it was all good with me cuz I'm sure after last night he probably figured I was having issues.
I am willing to accept, admit, concede -- whatever words work best for you -- that last night just wasn't our greatest night.

I don't expect I'll see him before the weekend, probably not even until Sunday, because I have to go to A.'s in Auburn Friday night for this totally stupid makeup party I am being forced by friendship to go to. I am not at all looking forward to it. I am sure it won't run late but I don't like the premise and I don't want to go down there on a Friday night. I can't believe she planned it for a Friday!! I guess that happens when you're married and you don't care which day is what. Sat I am headed to the Puyallup Fair with my friend Julie to see Brad Paisley in concert. We are going down about 1:30 to look-see the fair, then the concert and then home. Sunday is football day and our seats are the same as yours -- ours are 9 & 10. When I took the tix over last night G. got a little wishy washy about going, since the seats are in BFE and even I don't like where they're at -- but that wasn't the reason I bought them. He made the comment that now we won't be able to go on a drive so I guess that means he might rather do that but I just don't know if I even care to stand my ground or not. When I was indecisive on that BCC baseball day he told me to just stick to my guns next time when I want to do something, that he is fine with whatever, so I suppose that means I should go with it.

Heck can you tell today I've regained my SNS? I hate it. It isn't really bad, the weather is so nice and I am having a good hair day LOL .. but still. I'm outta joint. It'll go back I'm sure.

So tell me something good or funny or interesting so I can stop obsessing about what a bad night is supposed to mean LOL


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 11:45 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Hmmm. Well, voice of reason here. ;-)

First of all. The bad night doesn't mean anything more than you had a bad night.

Seriously... There are no hidden meanings, overtones or gloom & doom for the future. He was tired. You were tired. You had expectations of something that most likely wouldn't have happened because your morning time was something that was spontaneous and natural and in the moment -- and last night had waaaaaaay too much time to build up in your head and your loins into something big. Damn, those expectations are a killer. See what I'm saying?

I don't know if that falls into the funny, good or interesting categories, you'll have to tell me. :-)

Here's something funny that happened last night. I could not stay out the bathroom. I was constantly peeing like a freaking racehorse. So when we were c-a-s-u-a-l-l-y retiring to the bedroom, I had to take a whiz. When I came out, I realized he was doing the same thing in his other bathroom. So I was trying to act all natural and I noticed his chin-up bar. So I was sort of hanging up on it (which actually gave me some ideas for a future dessert romp) when he came out and I asked him if that was the chin-up bar he was talking about (he sort does his workouts at home instead of the gym). He said yeah, and did I want to try. So I tried an overhand grip that didn't take me very far. I switched to the underhand grip and pulled up. He gave me a little boost and then SMACK, my head knocks into his hallway light with a really pointy brass knobby thing on the bottom. Dang, that hurt like a sumbitch. He was concerned but did have to point out that he didn't expect me to get so high -- oh, and he normally does his pull-ups on the OTHER side of the bar where the light isn't.

NOW he tells me. LOL

So any spontaneity or smoothness about starting the dessert was taken away -- well at least til he knew I didn't need an icepack or anything and he decided to distract me from the owwie. ;-)

Stay tuned, if this didn't make you laugh, I'll be sending something that will make you go, ahhhhhhhhh. :-)


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 12:05 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

At the cost of your owie head I did smile at this little story :)
thank you LOL

I know you're right about last night. I just needed to hear it.
I can be rational on a good day. Emotionally insane on any other day ... you know me.
Panic mode is a rough place. Fortunately for me, I have the gym to go work out my
little troubles (and I do know they are little unless I choose to make them big all by myself) and that is exactly where I'm a-headed in just a bit!!!

You didn't tell me by the way what you thought of his place specifically other than being nicer on the inside than the outside. Were you pleased or not-so-pleased?


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 12:06 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Oh, and I know I didn't say this...

But I'm sorry you had a crappy night. I know how much you were looking forward to more morning magic.

And I agree with G... If you really want to go to the game (and I get the impression that you do, even if it IS BFE) say so. There will be other weekends for drives. In fact, the drives will only get better if you wait a few weeks. I would recommend the Highway 2 drive to Leavenworth for the leave festival. ;-)

Tell him, he can suck up the VIP status for one day and enjoy really bad football in a cool stadium!

Sorry you've got the SNS's. That really sucks!


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 12:08 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

yeah dammit.
what the hell was I thinking worrying about him?!?!?!!? LOL
we're going. end of story.

:)


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 12:15 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Well, good, I'm glad my pain made you laugh... ;-) (please insert your tongue firmly in your cheek and drip on the sarcasm with that comment, okay? lol)

I know from whence you speak, my friend. Panic mode sucks -- and it is rarely too far away. I can't imagine that you got much more sleep last night -- especially when you were already feeling woobie. I'm sure you'll feel better after the workout, those endorphins are magical little friends. :-) Just give yourself a break and remember not to pick up the phone and dial G. when you're feeling this panic. Just keep writing to me, or talk with K. or A. or whomever. That's what we're here for.

Most of all, just realize that you are okay, and this is going to be okay. No damage done. Just breathe.

And go sweat like hell! :-)

Oh, and about E.'s place. Total bachelor pad. It kind of reminded me of your brother's house. lol I don't know how much of his crap could get assimilated with my crap. If that answers your question. hee hee


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 12:24 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Dang I was hoping my little Terbie would have a nice pad!!
Rats!!

:)

Thank you for listening to my complaining by the way. I realize that's all I needed was to dish it. I wouldn't dare tell G. about it ... yikes that wouldn't go over well LOL

Okay I'm really going to the gym now I swear!!


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 4:55 PM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Hey, LS,

Sorry about the silence. I was learning how to harrass... um... I mean, how to prevent harrassment in the workplace. ;-)

How was your workout?

In case I don't hear from you -- have a great night. And I hope the SNS goes away! :-)


Sent: Wed 9/21/2005 5:05 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

It's all good :)

It got a lot worse actually because I had super car trauma at the body shop (not fixed, I don't know what the frick their fricking problem is but boy I was a-yellin and a-swearin at the guy that was "helping" me) and by the time we had the car washed off (from the fricking compound they fricking left on there) it was 1:40 and I didn't have time to get a workout in so I fumed and fumed. Good thing is, I didn't have time stress about G cuz I was bent out of complete proportion over the car thing. LOL ... silver lining in a dark cloud I guess :)

And now it's 5:00 and I am rushing home to go to a meeting at the women's halfway house with my sponsor and my friend J. So you see, all things work out. This meeting will kick my sorry butt right back where it should be and I'll leave there a happy girl.

You have a good evening & night, sleep well & rest up from your tiring night last night that I'm still so glad you had ... and I'll talk to you tomorrow! :)

I have some pictures I cut & saved earlier today to show you tomorrow ... they are really cute and you will like em!

Gnite Sweetie!
XOXO


Sent: Thu 9/22/2005 11:00 AM
From: LKK
Subject: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

You know, girl, you have me intrigued about these pics you were going to send to me... What's that all about, Alfie? :-)

You're welcome on the venting. Will you allow me a moment to do the same?

Why is it that I either find men who are unavailable because they work too much and make alot of money. Or that they work alot just to try to get by? Where are the guys in the middle -- who make a decent living and are available to actually do fun things with?

Where this is all coming from is that E. is probably not going to be able to go on Sunday because he has the opportunity to work at a job that will pay him $20/hr under the table sort of work and, he apparently needs the money (not sure why). So as much as he would love to go to the game, he just can't afford to -- or, as he put it, cannot afford the luxury of fun versus getting paid.

Then there is the whole phone call thing. On Tuesday night as I was leaving he said, "I'll call you tomorrow." Well, no call. I actually called him a little before nine just to tell him I did indeed get the tickets and would he like to go. I was a little anxious because so much can happen in a day's time, and maybe the real estate agent whose house he wanted to do the open house for, had called him back. You know? So I wanted to lock down the plans. Well, he didn't answer and didn't call back that night.

He DID call me this morning though. His job today got cancelled, so he has the day off (not what he would prefer). So I got all excited and suggested he come hiking with me tonight (I'm doing Tiger Mountain with a girlfriend). He's apparently working from 4-8, so that's out. That's when he informed me of the probability that he won't be able to go on Sunday. A work friend of his has a job over the weekend that he needs help with and offered it to E. E. told him that he couldn't on Saturday, but somehow on Sunday he would be free to help (for pay).

Hmm, I wonder what's so important to be done on Saturday that it's more important than spending time with me at a football game? He mentioned something about Saturday to me on Tuesday when I was over -- something about him and a friend getting together (not sure if it was about work or not).

Anyway, he said he would know for sure tonight or tomorrow, but understood if I wanted to line someone else up to go with. I was cool about it. I mean, that's me -- make everyone else feel better while I'm screaming inside.

So I've since put a call out on the D's mailing list soliciting a companion for the game. BK already has season tix, you're already going and now that I'm not friends with SH, I'm pretty much at the bottom of my "on call" list. lol I toyed with the idea of asking Z. or J., but thought that would be weird for them (and me).

I know that this will all work itself out in the end -- just the way it's supposed to. Which doesn't mean that it will be MY way, but it will be THE way it's supposed to.

I HATE IT when people say they're going to do something and they don't do it. Why even say it at all. And YES I know that doo-doo occurs, but I'm sick of being the recipient of doo-doo.

It's a nice thing that he did call, and a nice way to start the day -- just didn't much care for the content of the call. And no setting up of when we'll get together again. REALLY don't care for that. This casual b.s. is bordering on take it for granted that I'll be available last minute. It's becoming a situation where The Rules may need to be deployed. No pre-plans for weekend, means no getting together.

SNS to the nth degree. I'm disappointed and angry. This kind of stuff just doesn't allow me to let my guard down one little bit.

Vent over. :-(


Sent: Thu 9/22/2005 11:51 AM
From: LKK
Subject: "Hope we're happy" Hump Day

Good morning (almost afternoon)Well I hear you loud and clear. I don't understand what he's doing on Sat and don't know why he can't juggle his schedule around. I think so very differently than he apparently does, so I can't even think of a plausible explanation. Taking advantage seems to be a little obvious too, that he thinks you'll re-arrange anything YOU have going on to fit into HIS schedule. I know he said he thought you guys were seeing each other but c'mon .. that just isn't respectful. I wish I knew what to say ... but I don't. I'm kinda stymied by that. I guess maybe you should ask him? I just don't get it, either!

WWAD????? ;)

I have to run to lunch but do hope you will work a little bit of this angst out so it doesn't ruin your hike. That sounds like a fabulous activity for today with this nice weather. I walked with A. this morning and it was really nice.

Pics I got from a forward yesterday that I cut out ... not of me :)

Talk to you later this afternoon!

"Monday turns into a new day!" Message Thread

Sent: Tue 9/20/2005 8:26 AM
From: LS
Subject: Monday turns into a new day!

Good morning Girlfriend!I am so sorry I didn't get to this yesterday before I left. It was a little after 4:30 and I realized I had to go so I just up and went LOL .. G. drove STRAIGHT THRU yesterday and into the night to get to my place before I had to go to work! We talked on the phone for like 2.5 hours and had some serious conversation mixed in with the silly stuff, and I got some more personal info about him and who he is. It was nice having his undivided attention, not that he doesn't give it to me in person but somehow the conversation was just very easy and I didn't even think we really talked all that long!! He told me if he could get to my place before 5:30 he would try, but he didn't know if he could stay up that long or not. I went to bed at 11:30 with highest hopes that he'd show, and that little not-so-independent boy (shhhh! I didn't say that!!) came thru with mega-flying colors. What an awesome way to start a day, even if it was 3:30 LOL I did get a little bitta sleep after we did some STUFF which was fun fun fun .. and then when the alarm went off I felt like it was Christmas or something :) I have been flying above Earth ever since, and that's without caffeine! Too bad I can't start every morning so jazzed, I think I could become a morning person pretty easily if it was always that great. I could go on & on about how wonderful it is but I know you know where I'm at so I'll let it be ... don't want you getting sick to your stomach this early in the day LOL

So is tonight gonna be a dinner and STUFF night in the lovely city of Kent? I hope so!If not, then when is it gonna be?

How bout the rest of this day? Man you shoulda seen the sunrise coming out of the sky this morning when I crossed 520. Some days more than others, I can't help but stop and be in awe. Today I am just in awe all around LOL


Sent: Tue 9/20/2005 10:00 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Monday turns into a new day!

I wanna get some of what you've got! lol That is soooo cool, and I agree about the whole morning person thing. I remember being really awake and giggly and pleasant in the morning when I had a special someone in my life -- waking up together and getting ready together. That was always a bonus. I think the last time that happened for me was a couple years ago with my Russian. lol

You go, girrrrrrrlllll!

Tonight is definitely destination Kent night. I'm excited and I took extra care with the outfit choice this morning (which also made me late!). E. has a little thing for boots (kinda like my whole baseball pant thing). So I'm wearing a just-about-mini (just a bit above the knee -- but with a zipper that can go upward to make a part up to there) and some knee-high boots. He doesn't know what's going to hit him, but I'm pretty sure he's going to like it. ;-)

I'm not planning on staying overnight (it wasn't mentioned and I'm not really up for that traffic in the morning just yet.) So hopefully I'll get home early enough to get a few hours sleep. LOL

I know exactly what you mean about the simple things being aweinspiring. When we were down in Cheney and that sky was sooooo red with the sunset. Ooowee. That got to me. Sunrises even more so, since I see so few of them. ;-)

Is the man going to watch INXS tonight?

Oh, and I just have to say this, since I'm really starting to NOT like Sierra. When you guys were talking about the show, she kept calling the former lead singer Michael Hutchinson. It's Michael Hutchence!!!!!!!! Doofus. Bunny-exterminating doofus!


Sent: Tue 9/20/2005 10:40 AM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Monday turns into a new day!

LOLOL You set her straight!!! LOL
That made me laugh out loud all alone in my office LOL
I think your outfit sounds damn sexy .. I am so envious of you except that I know you work hard to have that body so maybe it's more of a respectful envy :) .. I have always, always wanted to wear boots like that but my tree trunk legs and calves don't do so well with the tight zip-up boots that look so hot. And the ones with the stretchy in them .. well, that just ruins it as far as I'm concerned. We just can't all have everything. LOL I'm happy for you, I know already he's going to lose his breath! You better take some emergency stuff with you just in case you end up staying. He might not be physically able to let you go home! God knows I wouldn't if I was him. Terbie's gonna be Happy Camper tonight :) He better cook something YUMMY!!

This morning was absolutely amazing on so many levels. It really touched my heart that he drove all night to see me, to be with me as soon as he could. I know sex had something to do with it, but at the same time it's so not that .. amazing to cuddle up like gerbils and just sleep in a warm cuddly bed for awhile together. His snoring didn't even faze me LOL although I didn't sleep really well thru it. I just had this gigantic feeling of warm fuzzy/cheshire grinning thing going on and I just lay there all bundled up feeling like the most important girl. That kind of intimacy isn't really something you can expect or make happen .. it just happens on its own. And he likes the comforter and the pillows LOL ... we had talked about it on the phone that I'd bought something with him in mind and he made it into a big deal thinking it was lingerie or something along that line. I told him he was going to be very disappointed that it was NOT that so I told him on the phone so he wouldn't show up thinking it was anything else. And then he asked about it without me having to say anything when he got there, which made me feel good. Damn life is good today ... (heavy, contented sigh) ...

I don't think I've had this kind of great morning in so long, I don't even remember. D. the horse guy spent the night a couple times on a school night and those were nice mornings, but he doesn't have G.'s big personality -- and watching him do the big dog talk with T-dog and pretending to chase her around the living room was just too much :)
I am going over tonight after I get T-dog situated, and yes he will "endure" the INXS show :)
he did some yiping about it but I really think he was doing it just to do it. He's so easy going, I really don't think it hardly registers on the radar as important. I'm trying to work this morning but damn it is harder than hard to do!! LOLAll I can think about is that G. is sleeping in a big bed alone right now and I wanna be there!!!

Are you going to go straight from work to Kent then? It will be a tough drive for you, with all that impatience to get there :) I remember the days I wanted to drive to Auburn to see J. and sometimes the traffic sucked, but there was that edge of excitement that took the edge away. I would just listen to my tunes and think about how much fun it was going to be to get there. And YOU should definitely be a-thinking about that .. you really are going to be a big surprise getting out of that car in that hot outfit!!!! :)


Sent: Tue 9/20/2005 11:00 AM
From: LKK
Subject: Re: Monday turns into a new day!

Wow, thank you for all those great compliments. You make me feel so confident now! :-) I think it's fun to be able to do something nice for somebody else like dressing pretty or making the effort to come to them. The traffic stresses me out, but only a little. It's like the whole morning thing... When you're up for a good reason, one that's important to your heart, then it just doesn't feel like an effort.

And just so you don't think my legs are perfect or anything, my calves are big enough that I need some stretch in the top -- so these boots have stretch gore going on. It's funny, my right calf is bigger than my left by just a little bit. The left boot zipped up just fine. The right one needed a little help. I'm going to have some seriously funky boot lines on my legs when I take these puppies off!

Your description of your morning sounds just heavenly. I'm so happy that you're getting to enjoy that -- and that you've met a good guy who treats you well AND that you're interested in. It's so rare when that whole combo comes together. :-) I Sooooo know what you mean about that big personality thing. Some people just have that extra energy -- whether it's confidence, charisma or just the chemistry they have with you. You two have a fun energy when you're together or talking on the phone. I know that you don't like your silly conversations that don't seem to go anywhere, but you would be surprised at how you're really connecting with those. You guys have a continuous banter going on that takes a good chemical AND friendship connection to keep going. Very cool!

That's so funny, too, about the bedding. Crack me up. G. actually sounds a little bit like my dad in some ways. The way he's thoughtful and has good taste and is funny/charming.

I will indeed be going straight from work to Kent. It's cool that he lives right behind Memorial Park -- so I know how to find him easily. And I'll be getting off 167 before it gets all Auburn/Casino/Bonney Lake/Puyallup clogged up. I believe he will be serving me steak and steamed brocoli (I will do my best to choke it down -- I do not like cooked veggies) and some other starch that he was starting to panic about last night on the phone. He's a sort of think out loud person like I am, so I could hear him going through his mental checklist of what he needs to accomplish before I get there. That I find cute.

E.'s a bit low-key. He has a lot of energy, but he's pretty quiet most of the time (makes me wonder what he's thinking). We don't have that cool chemistry that you've got going on with G. Don't know if it will develop or not. There's chemistry, it's just different. At the risk of invoking the name of the C-man without causing you to puke... That chemistry you describe with G. was there in spades. At least for me. I think it was too much for him and he cut and run. It would have made his life change more than he was ready for. I'll never know. But I DO know what you're talking about when you describe the cozies. :-)

Are you working out at lunch? That might distract you for a little while. It worked for me last night. I was really starting to freak out when I got home and didn't have an e-mail. I was going to call him after I changed out of my workout clothes, but he called me RIGHT when I was thinking that. Too funny!


Sent: Tue 9/20/2005 12:15 PM
From: LS
Subject: Re: Monday turns into a new day!

Thank you too for the sweet things you sent along my way :)
It does amaze me, the time G. & I spend on the phone, how long a conversation will go and how quickly at the same time. I actually enjoy ALL of them -- even the goofy ones with no direction. It makes me feel very special that he thinks of me and has no apparent sense of needing to keep up some kind of ego-driven pride thing - he'll just call when he wants to. I told him about K. and all that phone calling when I was in Vegas and how very different it is with him, how much I look forward to the phone calls. Of course he took the silly sarcastic opportunity to tell me that he would stop calling because I was probably trying to really tell him it's driving me crazy -- or, that is WILL drive me crazy soon. I usually go into some silly tirade when he does that and beg and plead for him not to do whatever he's saying he's gonna do. See, it's all silly talk :) but you're right, there are a ton of personal secret jokes and stories and things we've shared in those silly conversations, and they all matter and add up. He actually surprises me sometimes when he isn't so silly, and says or does something cutesy sweet that I'm not expecting -- like that little text message he sent about thinking of me when we were driving to Tacoma. I swear if there are any crazy secrets or shoes that are gonna drop after I get to know him, I am going to fall apart. It's getting harder every day to try to hold back a little bit, when I think about how short a time I've known him & I worry that everything doesn't have to be a rush and we should slow down. I just get no sense of him worrying about anything, at all. He's just not like other guys I remember being with that way .. I don't know if he just trusts me that I care about him so he can do the same, or if he's just that way naturally. It's very freeing to be just exactly ME at any given time and feel like he still likes me just as much.

You know he even told me last night that he would quit drinking if it made me more comfortable. We were talking about his drinking (it kind of came up and I went with it) and how often he drinks, how much, etc ... I told him that despite smoking here & there around him when he's smoking cigars I would not compromise my sobriety for anything and that for me that would just be a deal breaker if it got to a point where I started to feel uncomfortable with it. He told me it's just something he enjoys, he doesn't feel like he needs it or wants it all the time, and that if I'm uncomfortable I just have to say so. It was touching to me that he's supportive of me, and I felt like he was being genuine about it. When I was in that position (dating someone who didn't drink when I was drinking) I felt like he came into it knowing I drank so if he had a problem with it then it was HIS problem. Talk about ego ... not that I think back and think he was the one that got away, but who knows what would've been if I had been me now -- you know? Anyway, it just meant a lot to me, not that I expect to have to ask him not to do it.

Okay me & my gushy mushy honey bunny talk are going to the gym :)
You are finally safe!!! LOL
Hope your day is whizzing by!!! I am really excited for you to have a good time tonight :)